Thursday, April 3, 2008

Why DubYa is in office today: what wins an election?

So there I was tonight, perusing John McCains web page (what I was really looking for was a picture of his son Jack). So, on his page one can find fascinating things such as a basketball bracket, Cindy's guacamole recipe, and update on where he has last travelled, and many more exciting tid-bits.

Now, I recognize that to win an election (especially a high-caliber office) you need to let the people know you are an average Joe; one of them... but this is just un-freaking-believable.

No wonder George W's "aw-chucks" speaking style got him where he is today.

On McCain's web page you can click on a section labeled "Why John McCain"... so, I click... isn't this what it is about? Why should someone vote for him. He lists three reasons. Only three?! Hot damn, if I knew American politics were that simple, I would have thrown my blimp into the race right along side of Paul's a long time ago. (Actually, he lists 4 issues and 3 solutions. I chose to only count his solutions).

Since I am an obvious expert on elections, I have three bold solutions of my own (for his website):

1.) Post some pictures of your family. And by that, I don't mean of you and your trophy wife. I mean of your entire, multi-litter family. Maybe at a BBQ somewhere; that'd be very Americana.

2.) Take off the basketball bracket, and your daily picks. Anyone who votes should realize that those picks are actually those of Billy, your Freshman intern of your lowest ranking staffer. Stop it. It only cheapens your website. It doesn't make me think "Oh, he is into basketball", in fact I thought "Oh, he thinks Americans are stupider then we really are".

3.) Cindy. Oh, Cindy. Now, we all know you are pretty. I mean, you look like a million damn dollars, because well, you indeed are worth 100 of them. Now, Americans love anything beautiful... but at the same time, we also hate pretentious people. Let your hair down, get some low-lights while your at it, and become real. The barbie image is nice... for hanging on Johns arm at the Country Club. Not for the first lady.

That should do it for now... I just want to help the cause. I have been a supporter for a while, and from the looks of it the DNC is going to throw the cheap novelty item Barry into the race, and you can take him.


Daniel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
stephanie said...

mary, mary, mary. a couple of things. 1) in fact, to win an election, you don't need to do anything. i was just elected class representative at school, as a write-in candidate...i did nothing. really. it's pretty remarkable what "the people" are capable of doing. 2) cindy mccain can't let her hair down, nor can she give up her barbie image...if she did, we'd all see what she really looked like, little children would be frightened, and good ol' walnuts would lose the race.

Anonymous said...

Mary,Mary,Mary!......When are you going to come back from the "Dark Side"?I know you were gifted with Common sense much greater than you are displying!....PapaJo.

Larren & Amberly said...

read suzie's blog NOW!

Tagg said...

I would vote for McCain... but his wife FREAKS ME OUT!!! Especially in that last picture!