Monday, June 9, 2008

John McCain Hearts Lifetime Televison

I guess I started a blog-revolution of sorts. This blog is written by Amberly Kingsford (of the charcoal empire). She is my first guest blogger. This original post is from her, but her blog is private. Here it is:

Monday, June 9, 2008

Picture it: Sunday, June 8th. Having actually gone to all 3 hours of church (yea us), Larren decided he needed to take a nap. I wasn't tired at all, but bored out of my mind. Where does a woman turn to in her time of need? I began to get depressed. Then...light at the end of the tunnel. I knew there was one friend that would be there for me.

I flipped on Lifetime: Television for Women.Luckily, they had just what I needed: a Lifetime original movie to zone out to and watch simultaneously (during commercials) with whatever crap was replaying for the 5th time on MTV. (I can't stop THAT addiction. Don't even try.) I'm not sure if any of you watch Army Wives, but apparently it's a show that is pretty popular amongst RLM (Regular Lifetime Viewers). If you know Lifetime, and I'm sure 99% of you reading this won't admit it, but you DO know it, you know that they cut to commercials every 30 seconds. So really, you only watch like 30 minutes of movie and 1.5 hours of commercials. But...I digress.

Every 30 seconds, I'd see the promo reminding me that Season 2 of Army Wives was beginning right after my sap movie. Annoying, yes, but thanks for the info. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse...John McCain flashes on my screen. Wait-what...what is HE doing here? Well, he must be here for election biz, right? Wrong, my friend. So wrong. No...John was there for one reason, and one reason only:

"Army Wives is a great show. I know; Cindy makes me watch it with her. Stay tuned for the debut tonight, only on Lifetime." {-John McCain}

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny...are you for real? What has made you stoop to this level? We know you don't watch Army Wives! No one does! And I KNOW you were reading the queue cards...I saw your beady little eyes flicking back and forth!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Yeah Right

If NASA wasn't already a joke, there is now this:

Which, no, this is not a brilliant marketing ploy fishing for names online... it really is from NASA. It is a direct link from this official page:

Now, some might wonder, is NASA for real? So, they are telling me they are collecting names of random people for no apparent reason, putting their names in some micro-chip, sending it to the moon, also for no apparent reason, and then giving out a certificate showcasing the name-owners support of the mission? Why?!

This is just egging me on. Someone over at NASA is just bored and wants to mess with me*. I couldn't ask for a more absurd "mission". (The Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter -aka LRO- is the first mission in NASA's Vision for Space Exploration, a plan to return to the moon and then to travel to Mars and beyond.)

Not one person has given me any reason to believe that NASA is not just a front to launder tax money. You tell me what makes more sense:

A.) NASA takes millions upon millions of our tax dollars and really just fields the funds to things we actually need (yet Congress would never approve) like global security needs.


B.) NASA is hard at work, space exploring (with virtually no accountability) spending our monies on the following-

B1.) The National Air & Space Museum. A museum full of first grade science fair projects- really? This is supposed to convince me that NASA is real?

B2.) The botched fake moon landing. Really? I am glad they staged it. I hate Commies.

B3.) Remember the love triangle with the rocket scientists? They were working, yet had all the time on their hands to craft a web of soap opera lives to entertain the nation.

and now B4.) They are spending millions for a partnership with a university, to collect names and spend them to space to save the world!

If you like NASA's offering, you can also buy a star (which probably has already burned out, or is not even visible from earth) on various irreputible websites or on ebay. A star AND you can send your name in space.

*They are either messing with me, or they just think Americans are stupid. At which, I am pissed that they can't be more creative/intelligent with their cover stories.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Poolside Propaganda

Aw, summertime... no season captures the essence of this country more than Summer: BBQ's, parades, backyard baseball games, & roadside lemonade. In fact, yesterday it was glowing outside. Yes, glowing. I am certain that there is some sort of smog inversion involved... but when that golden glow hit the lush green grassy knoll in my back yard, I was proud to be living in the land of the free & home of the brave.

This summer we have an added Americana bonus: Propaganda. And I love it. Just the other day I was reading about how gas is actually cheap. What? That is right. And you know what? I believe every word of it. (According to the Energy Information Administration, in 1922 gasoline cost the current-day equivalent of $3.11. 86 years and pocket change- literally. - its about $10/gallon in Europe

Now, with Bush on his way out, and Barry on his way in (unless Hillary throws a tantrum, which has been working for her lately- shout out to Michigan & Florida's 1/2 votes) here in DC we have outrageous job turnover. Which means eager kids are running the white house. No lie. Every experienced staffer is clamoring to find secure employment before the commie-ran Obama camp moves in... so, their jobs are being snatched up by pretentious recent grads.

And I applaud them. Thank you. The cautious damage control focused Bush team was always on the defense, and I like this new eager bunch. The attitude has shifted to doing what is right for Bush to doing what is right for America.

We need propaganda. It makes us feel good.

These eager staffers are to America what Will Smith is to summer blockbusters...they are both non-threatening heroes! Targeting our emotions and giving us exactly what we want.

I am excited for Americans to live out the summer with pride before it all goes to pot (maybe literally) after the liberals take over and tell us how much America sucks. So get out there, spend your stimulus package on a new Red White & Blue for the front of your house and let fredom ring!