Wednesday, January 27, 2010

State of the Speech

Live blogging.

My friend Peter gave me this idea at the Golden Globes; to type about an event live as it is happening. So here it goes. (And you know, this probably won't be pretty).

The State of the Union 2010, and my thoughts as it happens:

"the bailout... i hated it. you hated it. it was as popular as a root canal... i didn't pledge what to do what was most popular, but what was necessary"- President Obama UM, what?! yes you did. you are the ultimate representative for the people.


"we cut taxes". thanks.


"i am calling for a new jobs bill tonight"--- why because your health care failed and you need something the push through?


He is now talking about jobs... OK, here is the thing. This isn't the state of the nation... this is him using the only thing he has going for him: public speaking. He is just using this platform to push his popularity up.

Why is he comparing us to China and India? We dont want to be either of them. No. Thank. You.


THIS WHOLE THING IS ONE BIG CONTRADICTION... we are in dire times where in the past our country has stood out. wait, everything is fine & we are out of the recession and in recovery. we need to be more cutting edge. wait, everything is fine & we are number one with innovation. we have no money. wait, we need to spend money on clean energy.


And why is Michelle in purple. Acceptable colors of the royal family of England: Purple. Acceptable colors for leaders of the Free World (America): Red, White, Blue. Same goes to you Nancy Pelosi. Speaking of Nance, last year she had the same thing in her mouth. Is it a cough drop? A lifesaver? What is that lady sucking on?


Ok, now he is giving away money... college kids, homeowners, retirees, everyone: FREE MONEY! Where is this coming from? He has no idea.

Oh, he just snuck in health reform. It went like this if you missed it: AMERICAN WON THE LOTTO. FREE MONEY FOR EVERYONE!!!! (we need health reform) ~ Immediate Subject Change ~ Cute moment with Michelle.

John McCain is wearing the same tie as Obama. Lolwut?


"Starting in 2011 we are prepared to freeze government spending." What? I can tell you, NO WE ARE NOT PREPARED. Dang, he pulled the veto card out. In our faces. I don't think this is a bad plan. Actually, it isn't bad at all. I like it. But it is just not feasible. Not realistic. Especially if he is giving out money like promised 10 min ago.


Gays in the military... camera pans to uniformed men. Not clapping. What's wrong with that? I don't see a problem.


Speaking of good values. "These aren't Republican Values... these are American Values". Same thing. He even said it.


Ok, afterthoughts: I am still in love with his speech writer. And he can deliver a damn fine speech. Always has, and always will. The same problem though remains: I don't agree with the content of his speeches.

And, lets talk about what he didn't talk about: WE ARE AT WAR. What of it?

As far as State of the Union speeches go, this one is a bit lacking. He didn't really report on what has been done this past year... oh, wait, you know why? Nothing has been done. There is nothing to report on. Bush may have stumbled through this annual speech... but he at least gave us some facts. Some numbers. Some concrete information. Tonight I was given one thing: a nice speech about tomorrow. Someone give this man a Nobel Peace Prize for what he is talking about he is about to do.


So there is it. My reactions, live, as it happened. I am now going to watch the experts reactions.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Not on My Watch

Sitting in my living room I hear a scuffle outside, look out the window to find middle-aged men fist fighting on my front lawn. They picked the wrong front yard.

I walk outside. Give them a disapproving look.

They leave. Peace.

10 minuets later local police have collected them and gotten them all back together to pow-wow about what happened... they begin shouting.

I walk back out side, as they are all loudly discussing their dispute in the street in font of my house with the cop. (10:55pm) I say in a condescending motherly tone, "Gentlemen!". They quiet down and I walk back inside.

*Note: I didn't notice the cop was there until after I hushed them, but still, he had to go find these dudes and when he did, what did he expect? For them to rationally talk about their feelings? He too was at fault. He deserved the "gentlemen" just as much as they did.

In conclusion lets review:

What I did:
-I successfully got them to stop fighting
-I successfully got them to leave
-I successfully shut them up

What the police did:
-they got angry, possibly drunken men who clearly want to fight each other, back together
-they got them yelling

P.S. Don't worry Mom, I was more annoyed then I was in any sort of danger.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Poop 2009: Over

As a true narcissist, the new year doesn't really start on Jan. 1st... it starts on my Birthday. Which, luckily, is in the traditional calendar's first month anyway. Convenient.

This year we received many great gifts for my birthday:

Gift #1 given to me lovingly by Mother Nature:
Blue skies with a heat wave. It was in the 50s, climbing nearly 20 degrees overnight just for me.

Gift #2 given to me by Uncle Sam along with the voters (mostly the non-voters) of Massachusetts:
a Scott Brown victory.

With those two gifts, I give you a gift- a collection of blurbs that capture my thoughts, feelings, and prognosis of the year 2009 that we just put behind us.

(In no particular order)

Poop 2009: Foreshadowing
I should have known on January 1st 2009 what the year would hold. An impromptu trip to NYC last year really ended up being a preemptive strike. On a whim that day, we decided that city needed us.

Whilst walking around the crowded car-lined streets, we spotted it. This:

As you can see, someone had scrolled "Poop 2009" in the dirty windshield of the unsuspecting car. It was true. And now its over!

Still undecided whose fall from grace was harder last year: mine or his. I am in recovery, just like the economy... jury is still out on him. And if Virginia, New Jersey and Mass are any indication, well, dot dot dot.

Exploring Middle Earth
I've never seen Lord of the Rings (tried once the summer of 2002 and fell asleep), but I have seen inside caves of Ireland & lava tubes of Hawaii and they were the two coolest spots ever. Ever.

Dead (Wo)Man Walking
Many famous celebrities passed on during 2009. Most notably, it is who didn't die this year that is most shocking to me: Lindsay Lohan. How is she still alive?!

The Recession
What recession?

Thanksgiving Fun Run & Callestentic Session
It should come as no surprise that I am not one who would choose exercise as a favorite moment of the year. However, after feasting on our Southern Traditions Thanksgiving meal, we were in dire need of moment. We took to the streets for an impromptu fun-run. It was simple; we would walk off, run off, power waddle, jump our jacks, and skip our way around the streets in our hood in order to feel like we were not going to die after over stuffing ourselves. It worked. Stay tuned for an even more exciting fun run right around the corner (see what i did there? around the corner, get it?).

Marriage 2010
What is there to look forward to this year: Marriage. Come on, if for nothing else, the guilt-free sex.