Tuesday, April 1, 2008

What the Duck?

Another long post for you... and sorry no pictures*:

LDS Singles from the greater DC area (and by "greater DC area" I mean all over the United States) vacation at Duck Beach in the Outer Banks of North Carolina for Memorial Day Weekend. I would guesstimate there are around 800 Singles that show up for the event. Wait. Stop. That's the first problem...

Problem #1: There is only ONE planned/organized event
A volleyball tournament. Other then that, you have 800 people who went "for a good time" but there is no "good time" to be had. Everyone is always on the lookout for the next best thing. Multiple times I would be in the midst of an activity (crab hunting, hot tubing, skin boarding) and this conversation would play out-

D-Bag: "Whats going on?"

Me: "This, THIS is what is going on"

D-Bag "Oh, I mean what's going on later".

Me, in my mind: Who cares... can't you see that right now we are on vacation, engaged in what is going on!

Alright, now, I plan events for a living, so obviously I have a strong bias about the fact that there is no organizational format for fun... but the problem list continues...

Problem #2: High expectations.
Everyone has heard glamorous folk-lore of years past. THESE STORIES ARE OVER COMPENSATIONS FOR THE FACT THAT DUCK IS NOT FUN. People have a mediocre time at Duck. I have been to Duck. I have been in post-Duck conversations where the story was far, far better then the reality. Stop it everyone.

So now you have 800 single momo's who have high expectations and nothing to do... what happens next?

Problem #3: The infamous Duck Parties
You have heard tall-tales (see Problem #2) of these massive ragers... Reality Check: We are Mormon; no sex, drugs, or Rock n Roll. These parties typically are birthed out of conversations (see Problem #1), where instead of facing that fact that there is nothing going on, some dude will say, "Come to the NYC house tonight, I hear there is a party" and then that magically becomes what is going on for everyone. Nothing is worse then a bunch of idiots with time on their hands. Here is a quick list of the shenanigans from party past:
  • Someone set off a stink bomb

  • People jumped off the third story of a house into a 8' deep pool.

  • The police were called and the 75 people who parked in No Parking Zones were ticketed

  • High drama fights including whipped cream

  • NCMO's

Now, that list is coincidentally is also a short recap of how my Freshman year of High School played out.

So now we have hundreds of bored Mormons with high expectations and nothing to do at centralized location... now what?

Problem #4 Sexual Frustration

That's right, you heard me. I said it. 800 singles in their late 20's & early 30's; most of which who are virginal, prancing around all day half naked with nothing to do. If that doesn't scream awkward, I don't know what does.


Now, before people even have a chance to bring up counter points, I would like to address those possible arguments:

Counterpoint #1- Mary, you must not have had a good house/good group of friends/good location

No, actually I have been dominating for quite sometime and I planned my first (and last) Duck house. I was with my good friends in an ideal central location.

Counterpoint #2- Mary, what a bad attitude you must have had

No, actually, if I do anything well it is having a good time and vacationing.

Counterpoint #3- Mary, that may have been YOUR Duck experience, but it wasn't mine.

No, actually, you were brainwashed, it was yours as well... you have been told time and time again that Duck is fun. It is not.

Counterpoint #4- Mary, I just go with friends and ignore everything else going on. Go and have a good time.

No, actually, that is impossible. I tried. And if that is really your plan, then we agree and you should just go another weekend.

Duck is not that fun.

*No pictures were included in this post because I wouldn't want to add to any myth about Duck being fun... and people not only over compensate with their stories, but also with their fake smiles and Duck is gorgeous. Wouldn't want anyone to be led to think "gee, that looks fun" It is not.


derek jamison said...

I'm interested in your ideas and I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Mr. D-Bag, tear down this wall!

D.C. said...

There are always those that think they are more enlightened than the rest of the foolish masses, who think because they didn't have a good time, there is no way anybody else can. Thanks for revealing their delusional ways, Mary.

It reminds me of people that abhor the thought of going to college in Provo (usually they couldn't go even if they wanted to), so they go somewhere else that is much "cooler" such as SLC, Logan, Cedar City, Ephraim, or St. George(yea, i know, not really any better). At the end of the day though, they're all the same. Mormon kids doing Mormon activities, with the exception of a few who think they're rebels because they drink. But come to think of it, they have those in Provo too...

Mycket said...

FINALLY. Someone said it in print form. I tell everyone that they should go to Duck to do the actual "I lived in DC" experience. But then not to go back. It's not worth it.

Julie Bradshaw said...

The concept of trying to look nice while hanging out at the beach just doesn't make any sense to me. Half the fun of a beach vacation is having seaweed hang out the butt of your bathing suit and seeing how long you can go without actually taking a real shower. Sheesh.

Daniel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dweeb said...

d.c. said . . .

blah blah blah, BYU is awesome and so hard to get in to, blah blah blah, you wish you were awesome like me.


Unfortunately, during your self-promoting, you forgot that the author has been to The Duck and disliked it. No, it is not at all similar to one who publicly "abhors" going to college in Provo but doesn't or "couldn't" (I assume you are referring to the stellar academic standard).

Do they not cover non-sequiturs at BYU?

Also, I love how delightfully ironic your first sentence is. I may be as guilty as you are in this respect, although, I don't claim to be more enlightened than the masses, just you.

Mandy Lin said...

Mary, I once had a fun day at Duck beach. It had nothing to do with the other 800 single adults there. It had everything to do with the fact that I got sick of all of them and went with my real friend to do a real activity.

That being said, can we stay next to the NY house this year?

Anonymous said...

Mandy's comment suggests that Mary will be going this year - and has perhaps been before.

"... NY house *this* year?"

What gives?

Peter said...

I am a bit conflicted about this. See I went to Duck Beach in the Summer of 2006. It really was awesome. I had so much fun, met a lot of new people, mystic tanned in preparation, met a really cute girl, and made some very good friends. So yeah that was fun.

On the other hand the place was teeming with D-Bags, I had one of those moments where I was at some stupid party where from virtually the second I got there I regretted the decision to come.

McMary I feel I made need to blog about this as well.

Mary said...

Dear Anonymous-

Did you happen to read the posting? It says that I have been before. That is how I gained my expert status on the whole thing.

I will not be going this year. I have better things to do. Mandy's comment was utilizing a popular humor medium; sarcasim.

Thank you,

Mommy to Girls said...

Mary, Mary, Mary!
I causaly surfed onto your Blog and say the word "Duck"...What popped into my mind...Could only be "BoB the Duck" Do you remember Bob, you have to! Ohh that joke was a golden one.
Love You!

D.C. said...

Wow. Somebody needs to chill out. Don't overreact to a few tongue-in-cheek comments. I guess the truth hurts.

I agree with Peter. While there is an element to Duck that is less than appealing, specifically the aforementioned DBags (and the female equivalent), there is still much fun to be had. The whole point of the beach is to not have formal activities planned. Duck is a weekend to relax, lay on the beach, have a bonfire, and spend time with friends. If you frame it as a bunch of desperate, loser singles just trying to awkwardly get action then of course its going to sound bad.

P.S. My sister started dating her husband because of Duck. So I guess it worked out well for at least two bored, awkward, brainwashed Mormons.

Jenny said...

I love the drama. If we are not a part of the drama by attending duck beach, we create drama by debating whether or not we should go and we post biting or sarcismic comments on blogs.
That said. I have been to duck beach three times, once on memorial day, twice not. And let me tell you the two times I went not on memorial day were much better for so many reasons. I don't know how much I want to try to sell this idea because I don't want duck beach labor day to become the new duck beach memorial day. However, I know myself and I'm one to give into peer pressure and fun. That's why this year in January I bought myself a ticket to Costa Rica for the week of Memorial Day.
Duck Beach, I'll see you in September.

Mer Swift said...

Mary, mary, mary...

I laughed the WHOLE time reading this...

I loved it.

Thanks for the recap of events in the past.

I agree on ALL points made.

Duck is beautiful though. No one can argue that.

joejohn said...

the phonebook is more interesting than this blog.


Ashley said...

Mary, I have long held these suspicions of Duck. Not only have you legitimized my suspicions, but you have also legitimized my lack of desire to ever go - even for the 'real D.C. experience.' Bless you!

Hayley's Comment said...

I love you.

Hayley's Comment said...

What about roasted duck? Cabins, few people, West Virginia. Say more...

Nikki said...

Duck Beach, so 1999.

And that's being quite gracious coming from Dobson High School Class of 1997 grad.

Absolutely, the beach is a good time, but come one..I must say the ACTUAL beach is e-rm..well, I guess my bias comes as a former resident of a beach house on the North Shore in Hawaii (current filming sight of LOST!--refer to show for images).

All in all, good points Mary. Though I do appreciate good friends, sun, and ocean water in the mix...just not like that.

Anonymous said...

I went this year, and for the sake of not posting what has already been stated - I TOTALLY think D.C. nailed it with his post on April 2nd. Also, if you have a couple of friends with you anywhere can be a great time! Even with the Dbags at OBX.