LDS Singles from the greater DC area (and by "greater DC area" I mean all over the United States) vacation at Duck Beach in the Outer Banks of North Carolina for Memorial Day Weekend. I would guesstimate there are around 800 Singles that show up for the event. Wait. Stop. That's the first problem...
Problem #1: There is only ONE planned/organized event
A volleyball tournament. Other then that, you have 800 people who went "for a good time" but there is no "good time" to be had. Everyone is always on the lookout for the next best thing. Multiple times I would be in the midst of an activity (crab hunting, hot tubing, skin boarding) and this conversation would play out-
D-Bag: "Whats going on?"
Me: "This, THIS is what is going on"
D-Bag "Oh, I mean what's going on later".
Me, in my mind: Who cares... can't you see that right now we are on vacation, engaged in what is going on!
Alright, now, I plan events for a living, so obviously I have a strong bias about the fact that there is no organizational format for fun... but the problem list continues...
Problem #2: High expectations.
Everyone has heard glamorous folk-lore of years past. THESE STORIES ARE OVER COMPENSATIONS FOR THE FACT THAT DUCK IS NOT FUN. People have a mediocre time at Duck. I have been to Duck. I have been in post-Duck conversations where the story was far, far better then the reality. Stop it everyone.
So now you have 800 single momo's who have high expectations and nothing to do... what happens next?
Problem #3: The infamous Duck Parties
You have heard tall-tales (see Problem #2) of these massive ragers... Reality Check: We are Mormon; no sex, drugs, or Rock n Roll. These parties typically are birthed out of conversations (see Problem #1), where instead of facing that fact that there is nothing going on, some dude will say, "Come to the NYC house tonight, I hear there is a party" and then that magically becomes what is going on for everyone. Nothing is worse then a bunch of idiots with time on their hands. Here is a quick list of the shenanigans from party past:
- Someone set off a stink bomb
- People jumped off the third story of a house into a 8' deep pool.
- The police were called and the 75 people who parked in No Parking Zones were ticketed
- High drama fights including whipped cream
Now, that list is coincidentally is also a short recap of how my Freshman year of High School played out.
So now we have hundreds of bored Mormons with high expectations and nothing to do at centralized location... now what?
Problem #4 Sexual Frustration
That's right, you heard me. I said it. 800 singles in their late 20's & early 30's; most of which who are virginal, prancing around all day half naked with nothing to do. If that doesn't scream awkward, I don't know what does.
Now, before people even have a chance to bring up counter points, I would like to address those possible arguments:
Counterpoint #1- Mary, you must not have had a good house/good group of friends/good location
No, actually I have been dominating for quite sometime and I planned my first (and last) Duck house. I was with my good friends in an ideal central location.
Counterpoint #2- Mary, what a bad attitude you must have had
No, actually, if I do anything well it is having a good time and vacationing.
Counterpoint #3- Mary, that may have been YOUR Duck experience, but it wasn't mine.
No, actually, you were brainwashed, it was yours as well... you have been told time and time again that Duck is fun. It is not.
Counterpoint #4- Mary, I just go with friends and ignore everything else going on. Go and have a good time.
No, actually, that is impossible. I tried. And if that is really your plan, then we agree and you should just go another weekend.
Duck is not that fun.
*No pictures were included in this post because I wouldn't want to add to any myth about Duck being fun... and people not only over compensate with their stories, but also with their fake smiles and Duck is gorgeous. Wouldn't want anyone to be led to think "gee, that looks fun" It is not.