With the kind of money it cost to make these movies, I could have invaded a small country.

This would be a confession, but you probably already know... I watch made-for-TV movies, and I do because I love them. The only thing better is a Christmas themed made-for-TV movie. They are entertaining, they are heartwarming. They are so poorly acted they are funny, they are cute and they always tout messages of the Christmas spirit. If you seek after them, you will find them on ABC Family, Lifetime, and Hallmark channels.

Some people look to the classics; A White Christmas, Miracle on 34th, It's A Wonderful Life. And sure, they are good, but I offer you a virtual gift of movies with more. Without further ado, I present: THE MARY MERRY MOVIE MANUAL. Here are my favorites with my synopsis... (in no particular order)

Holiday Switch

The older sister from Charles in Charge, well she is rich and snobby and one day climbs inside her clothes dryer (duh) and comes out on the other side, where she has the life she always wondered about. But is it better or just different? Dun, dun, dun.

Snowglobe

Christina Milian shakes a snow globe, and then finds herself INSIDE IT. OMG. FREAK OUT. When she gets to the winter wonderland everyone is so nice, but fake. Its like the poor mans version of Stepford Wives, with out a plot, set inside a snowglobe, themed around Christmas.

12 Men of Christmas

Maybe the most plot of all. The girl who got famous on Broadway in the original Wicked, she moves from NYC to nowhere Montana to be a PR agent, hired to lure corporations to host their retreats in the town. The reason she left NYC is because her boss and fiance were fooling around at the company Christmas party and she caught them. Gasp. Well, don't worry, in Montana, she meets 13 hot search + rescue men who need money... so naturally, they make a nude calendar and magically everything works out. (What? Don't get mad at me spoiling this for you, it's not like you will watch it, and even if you do, you know how they will all end.)

Christmas Blessing

You know the song "Christmas Shoes" that comes on the radio and all of the sudden it gets a little dusty in the car. Yeah. Neil Patrick Harris is the adult of the child in the song. And if you know the song, you know how good this has to be. It's the sequel to the original movie, based off the song.

So, there you go. The best of the best. I have also watched *many* more this holiday season alone. I can endorse some, but none as much as the ones detailed above. Go ahead, brew some hot choco and have yourself a merry little Christmas movie night.

P.S. I also watch QVC, what's it to you.

Mary McMullen's Gift Guide 2010

My first ever gift guide! This is stuff for all sorts of people. Hopefully you will find something you want to give, or it will inspire you to give something else great; something useful... or at the very least something really cool.

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Kitchen Odor Remover

Stainless Steel "Soap" is to remove odors from your skin. Its not really soap, its just a bar of steel. With the natural power of oxido-reduction, it removes all traces of onion, garlic, fish, even nicotine and household cleaning products like bleach from the skin. I am not sure how it works, but it does. I have one and can't believe I ever cooked with out one. Get one for you, one for a friend: Soapless Soap ($11)

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Cookie Cutters

I like giving US Capitol Cookie Cutters to friends from DC or who miss living in DC or who are moving away. You can pick them up at Hill's Kitchen shop near Eastern Market. But for friends who have no relation to DC I present, other cool cookie cutters:

To get yourself a Ninja-men, click here: Ninja Bread Men Cookie Cutters ($9)

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Wheeled Duffle Bag

A really nice wheeled weekend travel pack. This thing will set you back a few dollars ($450). But if he has years of traveling ahead of him, think of it as an investment. To buy: Filson Wheeled Large Duffle Bag Or, you can try to find another more affordable option. This one just looks like perfection.

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Reversible Bow Tie

One that looks like it would look good on a 20 year old, or a 90 year old. Give one (but it will be like giving two): Graham Withers Tie Collection ($54)

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Pac-Man Themed Notebooks

For kid of the 80s this is not only practical (who doesn't need a sleek notebook in their pocket or purse to jot things down on. Lists, phone numbers, names, brilliant ideas. This one is not only useful, but nostalgic. And they lie completely flat when opened, and they have an elastic closure, so they are sure to stay shut. They are available at Amazon in different sizes: Amazon Link ($13-20)

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If you make something to give out, make these...

Half baked brownie, peanut butter rice krispies, chocolate topping, melted marshmallows. O-M-G. They are good. So good. Add some cinnamon to the brownie mix for a little holiday warmth. Recipe Link: Click Here [via Brown Eyed Baker Blog] (Approx. $10 cost of making)

If you decide to buy a baked treat. Get these:

They are Levain Bakery Cookies from NYC and they are famous for a reason. To order online, click here: Link to Levain Bakery Online Ordering. ($22 for 4 cookies)

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A Root Beer Sampler

My local (chain) World Market sells about 15 varieties of bottled root beer from around the globe and you can buy them by the bottle, to create your very own sampler pack. You can use this idea for chocolate too. Or real beer. (Aprox. cost $15)

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City Posters

I have the DC poster, and the SF poster. They also sell posters of the following cities: NYC (and all the boroughs separately), Boston, Philadelphia, Seattle, Portland, Great Lakes, Toronto, New Orleans, Minneapolis & Vancouver. So for someone who has lived in any of those places, or does live in those places, or wants to, this is a great gift. AND if you have a doctor friend they also sell The Brain map and The Heart Map. Ork Posters Online ($20-$30 depending on poster, print media & size)

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Paper Tweets

Sure these might be more fun than practical, but from someone who hates twitter, I can't get enough of these, and to give to a friend who is addicted to twitter, might be fun too. Buy here. ($5 for a pad of 50 sheets)

Story Time

Outside CVS today there were two bums. Mid-60's I would guess.

They looked like this...

Except the woman was wearing a once-ravishing purple coat... so it was more like this...

But she was old. And homeless. And dirty.

And the man was sporting a long, full braided beard. Much like this...

I am going to refer to them here forth as Ozzie & Harriet.

Harriet: Well, I am still married according to the law. The law screws us.

Ozzie: That don't matter to me.

Harriet: It should matter, they really do cause all sorts of problems for us.

Ozzie: No, I meant you being married don't matter to me.

I go inside, they had finished their cigs, so they were right behind me, going to the same section of the store.

Harriet: I like you. I really do. I am going to buy you something. Pick something out.

I then go about my shopping.

In line at the front I hear them behind me. A lot changed in 5 min.

Harriet (stern tone): Give me your money.

Ozzie: I don't have any.

Harriet: Then you are no good to me.

So, really a lot changed in 5 seconds.

They left the store separately.

It was a short, hot, love affair.

It's like riding a bike

Some musings for you all...

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I rode a bike for the first time in, oh, like 20 years on Friday (I wish that were an exaggeration). Anyway, Friday was a half day of school, so naturally we had a lot of time on our hands, so this 13 year old kid peer pressured me into it. I almost fell off- multiple times.

Story time: I hate(d) riding a bike. The only reason I really learned is because my Grandmother bribed me, telling me she would buy me a new outfit if I would learn. I rode to the court by my house, crashed into a mail box, and earned those damn turquoise jeans with zipper details and that puff paint tee. It was 1989. Now in 2010 and I would rather walk 10 miles than ride 1 on a bike.

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I love pumpkin things. My frenemy Dan made a fantastic pie on Sunday and that really reminded me of my pumpkin love. It also got me thinking about using squash as a dessert. Why do we choose pumpkin? I don't think it is even the best choice. Last summer sour cream ice cream was all the rage in the hip/foodie places and it was good, but you know what would make it better? Some zucchini. Not kidding. Zucchini actually is breaking into the baking world. It started with bread, but it is now in brownies, etc. You know what would even beat out zucchini--- beets. (See what I did there? That was just a little homophone for all you english teachers out there.) It beats me why we don't have more desserts made from delicious sweet plants. (Man, I am on a roll). Seriously folks, add enough sugar and we can take these vegetables/startches to a whole new level. It will be delicious.

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And finally, here is a picture I took of the Flatiron Building while I was in New York. Nevermind that I puked in a public trash bin right after this was snapped. Meh, the picture is great, but I won't ever shake the events surrounding it. Blah.

In Central Park

I walked into the Lincoln Triangle Barnes & Noble about eight hours late (though, I didn't know it at the time). The sign wasn't big, nor on prominent display, but when I walked in, it was all I could see. It glared right at me; as if somehow I was looking for it. As if it was there to mock just me... "R.L. Stine event at 1pm". I got there at 9pm. Had I known, my day would have gone drastically different. (Note: If you don't know who he is then well, go ahead and stop reading now because you don't deserve this blog).

But don't worry, I still live a charmed life. Take for example this treat in the park...

Walking through the park was pure fall perfection. It was 55 degrees out with puffy white clouds, and a breeze just strong enough to stir the fallen leaves. I was perfectly comfortable wearing a thick sweater and a long sleeve tshirt. I was meandering when I spotted a little disagreement between two attractive lovers. It quickly became clear the model didn't want to jump into the fountain and the photographer had a vision. He won. I grabbed my camera.

My favorite shot by far is the last one. He is happy she did it and she is happy it's over.

Outlook Good

"Solves all problems"!?!?! How could you deny such a promise? We couldn't. We went to get a reading.

And the place is exactly how you might imagine. Ostentatious, kitschy, and attached to the readers house. The TV was on, there were like 10 cars in the driveway but we knew they weren't customers and we knew there weren't 10 people in the house. There may have been 10 cats; not sure.

We had to go in one at a time. Which was scary slash professional of the Madame. And it was also quite nice because then we could lounge on the astroturf porch.

If you look closely in the next picture, you can peer past the re-assuring religious paraphernalia, and find Kami receiving her future. Excuse me, Dr. Kami.

Now, now. Everyone calm down. She wasn't creepy. She wasn't channeling the devil. She read our palms. She had surprisingly fitting insight. She wasn't over the top.

Oh, and all three of you men who read my blog because you have crushes on me... prepare, because she said I would fall in love and get married in the next 18 months.

As for everyone else: Kami and lots of money will be in either Hotlanta or Seattle soon. Wayne will have a baby, and a baby momma but not a wife. Eeeks. And Matt needs to let go of his double life, dun, dun, dun.

We did it right

Sunrise in OBX

Have you ever had something, lost it, then got it back? When it was yours again, you treasured it even more... it's like when little and a brother would steal my toy and Dad would swoop in and I'd get my fun back. Last week Hurricane Earl was an immediate threat; roaring off the coast. There was even a time when we started to move on, planning some two-bit barbecue in VA instead, thinking he had take our beach vacation away. Because of the pre-trip-trepidations we were all that much more thankful once there. I have always loved the beach, but this time I loved, loved, loved it! (yes, at least three times more). I partially attribute it to my forced gratitude, but more-so to the cast who filled the weekend. It was a perfect storm of people, weather, and the house.

Drastic measures were taken to get Earl to calm down. Ashley resorted to pillow talk. I relied on old-school bullying. Earl got out of our way quickly, leaving behind crashing warm waves and cleared skies. Phew.

Mary McMullen Living

Days were spent with a revolving schedule of kitchen-beach-pool-snack cabinet-repeat. The elevator and direct beach access made it reeeeaaaaal easy. The nights brought stars from the heavens that were just as eager to be there as we were. Space junk fell freely.

As someone else said, the worst part of the trip was having to go to sleep every night. One particular night I had a dream that someone attempted to wake me from my beach slumber to get me to go night swimming in the bio luminescent waters. Only later did I find out that actually happened. My top regret is that I wasn't lucid enough to recognize reality from dreams at that moment. And if that doesn't smack of a successful beach weekend, I don't know what does.

A special thank you to everyone who planned it and those who lived it with me.

With a floating platter of nachos in the pool and a faint scent of saltwater in the air, I got it.

P.S. I bought a new pillow the day I got back and I am in love with it. It's a quilted alternative down number from Target.