Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The State of the Art of Public Speaking

If you are joining me for the first time, this is what happens: I watch the State of the Union. I type my responses live as it spills off the teleprompter into President Obama's mouth, and back out again to us as he feeds us words (like baby-birds). 

Things in BOLD BLUE are either quotes or paraphrases of President Obama. My reaction is immediately after in standard color.

Here we go... 

Last month I went to Andrews, welcomed home the troops from Iraq. A million fought. This generations has made the US safer & more respected around the world. Thank you George W. 

Joe Biden- that tie with the diagonal stripes is making the camera go wacky. 

Everyone gets a fair shot. Everyone plays by the same rules - Flat tax? flat tax? Immediate disappointment when I realize he is talking about socialism. Sigh. 

(Talking of the mortgage crisis): In 2008 the house of cards collapsed. Get it... HOUSE PUN! 

Join me to train 2 million directly to a job. HOW OMG HOW?!

Every state requires every student stay in high school until they graduate or turn 18. HOW? No really, how? 

Doubling work-study jobs in the next five years? HOW OMG HOW? We can't afford this. Wait for it, he agrees with me: we can't keep subsidizing- we can't afford it

We should take on illegal immigration... Send me a bill that affords people to stay in this country and I will sign it. SEND ME A UNICORN & I WILL RIDE IT ALL THE WAY TO THE MOON! 

Blah, blah, blah, Natural Gas, Natural Gas, Natural Gas. Attention anyone who is reading this. He is talking about fracking. ITS FRACKING. Why wont he just say that? Oh, because it is highly controversial. Oh because near fracking sights, tap water lights on fire if near a flame? See this video. Keystone pipeline? What? Huh? Oh yeah. 

(On war money): We should use 1/2 to pay down debt, & use the rest to pay for nation building right here at home. Uhhhhh- he is planning to use only HALF to pay ALL the debt. Ok, you spend $100 at war, then you will pay $50 back and $50 on some toys "infrastructure jobs" that you will reap back 30% of in taxes ($15)... someone get me a calculator. 

If you're a mortgage lender. The days of signing people up for loans they cant afford: those days are over. Where are my Clintons at? See this 1999 article. If you read nothing else, read that. I am asking attorney general to expand investigations that led to the housing crisis. Let me save you the trouble... FOUND! Here

America is back. Anyone who tells you otherwise doesn't know what they are talking about. I agree. 

Our freedom endures because of men/women in uniform who defend it. Can you have your cake and eat it too? 

Obama care- oh yeah, never mind. never mentioned. 

Hillary- the headband, really? 


Kaylyn said...

I really heart you Mary. This was fantastic. Glad you touched on my favorite part of the speech...making kids stay in high school.

Team Palin said...

Your live blogging is always my favorite part of SOTU.

layjent said...

awesome work

Millicent said...

This always makes me miss you. Well done.

The Larsen Family said...

You crack me up!

Debbie Davis said...

Brilliant. You're better than the guys on TV. By the way...ditto.

Anonymous said...

I just want everyone who reads this blog to know that Mary's mom is a dyed in the wool democrate who will be voting for OBAMA!!