Friday, April 9, 2010

Just Beiber & The Olive Garden

Justin Bieber's on the cover of People Magazine this week with the caption "World's Biggest Pop Star"; when I read that I immediately thought "worlds best publicist". I too run around declaring all sorts of grandiose things about myself, and let me tell you... I can make a cupcake that rivals Georgetown. I shock myself regularly with how good I am at my job. And the list goes on and on and on. But that doesn't make any of them true (they are though). The point is people buy it, usually just because they want to.

This doesn't mean I don't have Bieber Fever. I do. Let me tell you why. And, go ahead, allow yourselves to love that kid (because you do anyway).

It seems everyone has Bieber Fever. As they should. He has all the ingredients of a greatness: just your average kid who happens to be talented and beautiful with a charming personality and discovered on youtube with the exact look that is bottled up and sold to the masses of middle class american teens with disposable income.

I love him for the same reason I love the Olive Garden. Please, don't pretend you don't love the Olive Garden. The reason that restaurant is so popular is because people go there. Is the Olive Garden the best restaurant in America? (Nope, Per Se is). Is Justin Bieber the worlds biggest Pop Star? (Nope, Michael Jackson still is- and for arguments sake, Lady Gaga is at the top of the Billbard Pop charts, not Justin).

The Olive Garden has over 700 restaurants in the US, including some of the most sought after retail locations. They are not this big or popular because they sell gross food no one wants. They got where they are because they offer food people buy. People buy it, not because it is the best, but it is exactly what they want and a lot of it.

Justin Bieber is not the best singer. My favorite music video of his is the one he is singing to another teenage girl, something about having "one less lonely girl tonight" in the world. She is at a laundry mat, going about doing adult like errands, as if she is some 35-year-old-single-cat-lady. It's just absurd. It's also calming the fear of every woman in the world. It's also catchy.

Here you go:

Ha, ha. Yeah "How many start overs and shoulders have you cried on?" he asks her. Let me tell you, probably one, right after that embarrassing breakup on the playground during recess last year in 6th grade. Other than that, she is fine.

Anyway, I still love it. It's not only greatness, but it is a lot of greatness. Over the top and in a large dosage. Justin is exactly what we need want.

BIEBER FEVER Fever fever!


Jessica Tingey said...

haha, "calming the fear of every woman in the world." that is exactly what justin does for me. he is so young, and yet treating women right, or atleast telling them what they want to hear, comes so naturally for him. which makes me think all men have a justin bieber within that perhaps they/some just haven't discovered. yet.

Mer Swift said...

OMG. Loving it and can't even believe it.

Thank you -- "...right after that embarrassing breakup on the playground during recess."

And I love that she's 35 and doing her laundry at a laundry mat.

Ashley Custer said...

Am I the only one who found the notes he wrote her inordinately creepy?

Also, I can never catch the fever because Bieber by far has the most ridiculous hair I have seen in awhile. Swoopy hair is fine, but that helmet is unnaturally even. Ugh.

Still, overall a brilliant assessment.

Amy J. said...

i liked the "I'll buy you expensive chocolate" part hahahhahah! But, I feel for this kid when his voice changes...

Michelle said...

Mary-this is just another example of the stellar writing that we always expect from you (another trait to tout to the world). However, I must disagree with the hotness, the kid has the biggest forehead I have ever seen and he accentuates it with that hairdo that looks ridiculous on everyone, including those well loved 70's pop stars. Is he wearing pink lipstick?

Michelle said...

I'm sorry, I just can't leave the hair alone. Toupee at his age?

Stephanie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stephanie said...

what's with all the haters?

-of course the girl looks older than the biebs. it is a well-known fact that girls mature faster than boys and at the tender age of 16, the biebs just hasn't caught up yet.
-some teenage girls have no choice but to do their laundry at a laundromat. not everyone gets to throw their clothes on their bedroom floor and have their maid or mother pick up after them. don't believe me? take a little trip to the neighborhood laundromat in guadalajarlington and see for yourself.
-the biebs' hair is no more ridiculous than at least half of the hairstyles worn by the rest of the world populace. i refer you to the beehive, the mullet, dredlocks, the chili bowl, the utah claw, and don't even get me started on the comb-over.
-the biebs' hair is completely natural. he just blow-dries it and shakes it. you try blow-drying and shaking your hair, and see what happens.
-men get chapped lips too, and so what if cherry chapstick gives the biebs' lips a pinkish hue. i'd rather his lips be pink than dry and crackly.

i have a fever, but the prescription is not more's bieber fever.

i <3 the biebs.

4-Slyce said...

ok, i like duck, you like bieber. we're even...