Sunday, May 17, 2009


I blame the internet; Al Gore and Ted Stevens can be the fall guys. I also blame the media as a whole; and everyone knows that Oprah is in charge over there, so yes add her to the list too. Al, Ted & Oprah...  I blame them for the slow decline of the physical social act known as "the wink". 

Every guy out there thinks they can wink and it all of the sudden makes them "charming". It does not. Sometimes it makes you creepy. Sometimes it makes you annoying. Sometimes it makes you childish.  The bitch of the whole thing is that it can also make you alluring. It can make you damn sexy. It can make you the reason I like you. 

It used to be such a powerful tool. A skill mastered by few, utilized cautiously, given with timely execution. Then somehow with the combination of entertainment encouraging bold behavior and a cheapened emoticon found on the web, we are left with nothing more then a bunch of untrained yahoo's running around winking at incongruous times, looking like fools. It is embarrassing to the winker and off putting to the receiver of the wink. 

Here are some ground rules for the well-wink (well timed, well placed, well executed, etc):

1. It really should only be seen by the winker and the winkee. If anyone else intentionally sees the wink, it is a failed attempted. Winks are special, hold them dear. 

2. The wink should always be accompanied with a smile or a wry glance. If the situation at hand doesn't call for a bright-white flash of a smile or a knowing look of being in cahoots with the winkee then don't bother, it probably isn't the time or the place for the wink. 

3. If you know you look like a fool winking then don't. I only want dashing men or enchanting women winking at me. Otherwise it is cheapened. It would be like getting a filet mignon served to you at McDonalds on a styrofoam plate. No one does that because the steak deserves more, so does the wink. 

There are more, but the point is those rules are never followed. If Latin is a dead verbal language, the wink is well on its way of becoming a dead body language. It is a lost art. 

I had the honor of understanding and knowing what the wink offered. The slow decline of the wink will not only leave a void in my life, but in the hearts of those who had mastered the art. I hold the greatest respect for the wink.

At this point I am not sure if I would rather continue to bear the pain of watching the wink die a slow death or if I should will it to just die and end the suffering.  Either way, I am saddened by the loss of the wink. 


Amberly said...

oh my gosh--you are sooooo freaking funny...i also am saddened at the loss of the wink.

it's so hard, tho! i can only wink the left eye, and it takes concentration.

Hayley's Comment said...

After reading your blog I am reminded of one hot guy who could do the dead body language within the rules and it would have my heart beating with desire! Thank you for the memory of my secret winker coming back to me!

Michelle said...

Ahhhh. I am reminded of a more innocent time in my life when you and I started a slow revival of the wink at Snow. For some time it seemed to catch on, but then it became polluted. If you can't save it, Mary Mistress of winks, then no one can. Jas and I were just discussing yesterday your mastering of that particular skill.

Mr. Findlay said...

Yes, I have nothing but fond memories of the delicate mastery of the wink you presented. *sigh* I join your melancholy lamentation of the pitiful decline of such an influential and artistic language.

Mer Swift said...

Mare, this was very well written. Though, I do/cannot wink, I certainly see the appeal. Why is it that it's died? Does society condone it now? What happened?

Anonymous said...

Heaven forbid, to lose the wink is more painful than I can bear! I fell in love with your dad in great part because he was, and remains so today a master of the art. I agree that there is little in this world that can melt a heart like a well executed wink.

To all the men who might read this...learn the sexy art of winking.... it will serve you well. Love, Momma-Jo