Aggie Pride.

If you haven't gotten the memo, DC is facing the storm of the century. Today the first flake of snow fell and so did my spirits*.

The good news is I went to college in a little place called Logan, Utah. Naturally, I wore my Utah State sweatshirt just so when people saw me they knew; no snow stopping this one.

*I absolutely hate the snow. It's fine for approximately 3 days with the following conditions:

I am in some ski chalet.

I don't have to ski.

It's all white and winter wonderland like.

I can leave.

All roads are clear.

It doesn't stick to the drive ways, walk ways, sidewalks, stairs leading up to houses, or anyplace my feet will tread.

There is a roaring fire in whatever room I happen to be in while the snow stays outside.

If above conditions are not met, I don't want anything to do with that stuff.

State of the Speech

Live blogging.

My friend Peter gave me this idea at the Golden Globes; to type about an event live as it is happening. So here it goes. (And you know, this probably won't be pretty).

The State of the Union 2010, and my thoughts as it happens:

"the bailout... i hated it. you hated it. it was as popular as a root canal... i didn't pledge what to do what was most popular, but what was necessary"- President Obama UM, what?! yes you did. you are the ultimate representative for the people.

***

"we cut taxes". thanks.

***

"i am calling for a new jobs bill tonight"--- why because your health care failed and you need something the push through?

***

He is now talking about jobs... OK, here is the thing. This isn't the state of the nation... this is him using the only thing he has going for him: public speaking. He is just using this platform to push his popularity up.

Why is he comparing us to China and India? We dont want to be either of them. No. Thank. You.

***

THIS WHOLE THING IS ONE BIG CONTRADICTION... we are in dire times where in the past our country has stood out. wait, everything is fine & we are out of the recession and in recovery. we need to be more cutting edge. wait, everything is fine & we are number one with innovation. we have no money. wait, we need to spend money on clean energy.

***

And why is Michelle in purple. Acceptable colors of the royal family of England: Purple. Acceptable colors for leaders of the Free World (America): Red, White, Blue. Same goes to you Nancy Pelosi. Speaking of Nance, last year she had the same thing in her mouth. Is it a cough drop? A lifesaver? What is that lady sucking on?

***

Ok, now he is giving away money... college kids, homeowners, retirees, everyone: FREE MONEY! Where is this coming from? He has no idea.

Oh, he just snuck in health reform. It went like this if you missed it: AMERICAN WON THE LOTTO. FREE MONEY FOR EVERYONE!!!! (we need health reform) ~ Immediate Subject Change ~ Cute moment with Michelle.

John McCain is wearing the same tie as Obama. Lolwut?

***

"Starting in 2011 we are prepared to freeze government spending." What? I can tell you, NO WE ARE NOT PREPARED. Dang, he pulled the veto card out. In our faces. I don't think this is a bad plan. Actually, it isn't bad at all. I like it. But it is just not feasible. Not realistic. Especially if he is giving out money like promised 10 min ago.

***

Gays in the military... camera pans to uniformed men. Not clapping. What's wrong with that? I don't see a problem.

***

Speaking of good values. "These aren't Republican Values... these are American Values". Same thing. He even said it.

***

Ok, afterthoughts: I am still in love with his speech writer. And he can deliver a damn fine speech. Always has, and always will. The same problem though remains: I don't agree with the content of his speeches.

And, lets talk about what he didn't talk about: WE ARE AT WAR. What of it?

As far as State of the Union speeches go, this one is a bit lacking. He didn't really report on what has been done this past year... oh, wait, you know why? Nothing has been done. There is nothing to report on. Bush may have stumbled through this annual speech... but he at least gave us some facts. Some numbers. Some concrete information. Tonight I was given one thing: a nice speech about tomorrow. Someone give this man a Nobel Peace Prize for what he is talking about he is about to do.

***

So there is it. My reactions, live, as it happened. I am now going to watch the experts reactions.

Not on My Watch

Sitting in my living room I hear a scuffle outside, look out the window to find middle-aged men fist fighting on my front lawn. They picked the wrong front yard.

I walk outside. Give them a disapproving look.

They leave. Peace.

10 minuets later local police have collected them and gotten them all back together to pow-wow about what happened... they begin shouting.

I walk back out side, as they are all loudly discussing their dispute in the street in font of my house with the cop. (10:55pm) I say in a condescending motherly tone, "Gentlemen!". They quiet down and I walk back inside.

*Note: I didn't notice the cop was there until after I hushed them, but still, he had to go find these dudes and when he did, what did he expect? For them to rationally talk about their feelings? He too was at fault. He deserved the "gentlemen" just as much as they did.

In conclusion lets review:

What I did:

-I successfully got them to stop fighting

-I successfully got them to leave

-I successfully shut them up

What the police did:

-they got angry, possibly drunken men who clearly want to fight each other, back together

-they got them yelling

P.S. Don't worry Mom, I was more annoyed then I was in any sort of danger.

Poop 2009: Over

As a true narcissist, the new year doesn't really start on Jan. 1st... it starts on my Birthday. Which, luckily, is in the traditional calendar's first month anyway. Convenient.

This year we received many great gifts for my birthday:

Gift #1 given to me lovingly by Mother Nature:

Blue skies with a heat wave. It was in the 50s, climbing nearly 20 degrees overnight just for me.

Gift #2 given to me by Uncle Sam along with the voters (mostly the non-voters) of Massachusetts:

a Scott Brown victory.

With those two gifts, I give you a gift- a collection of blurbs that capture my thoughts, feelings, and prognosis of the year 2009 that we just put behind us.

(In no particular order)

Poop 2009: Foreshadowing

I should have known on January 1st 2009 what the year would hold. An impromptu trip to NYC last year really ended up being a preemptive strike. On a whim that day, we decided that city needed us.

Whilst walking around the crowded car-lined streets, we spotted it. This:

As you can see, someone had scrolled "Poop 2009" in the dirty windshield of the unsuspecting car. It was true. And now its over!

Obama-nation

Still undecided whose fall from grace was harder last year: mine or his. I am in recovery, just like the economy... jury is still out on him. And if Virginia, New Jersey and Mass are any indication, well, dot dot dot.

Exploring Middle Earth

I've never seen Lord of the Rings (tried once the summer of 2002 and fell asleep), but I have seen inside caves of Ireland & lava tubes of Hawaii and they were the two coolest spots ever. Ever.

Dead (Wo)Man Walking

Many famous celebrities passed on during 2009. Most notably, it is who didn't die this year that is most shocking to me: Lindsay Lohan. How is she still alive?!

The Recession

What recession?

Thanksgiving Fun Run & Callestentic Session

It should come as no surprise that I am not one who would choose exercise as a favorite moment of the year. However, after feasting on our Southern Traditions Thanksgiving meal, we were in dire need of moment. We took to the streets for an impromptu fun-run. It was simple; we would walk off, run off, power waddle, jump our jacks, and skip our way around the streets in our hood in order to feel like we were not going to die after over stuffing ourselves. It worked. Stay tuned for an even more exciting fun run right around the corner (see what i did there? around the corner, get it?).

Marriage 2010

What is there to look forward to this year: Marriage. Come on, if for nothing else, the guilt-free sex.

in the yellow

I can not post any pictures of the awful, no-good, snow storm that has walloped the DC metro area, because, I am not there. (Suckers).

I retreated to California on Wednesday (the 16th) right before the first of the snow fell (an apparently it has not stopped yet). Thus, solidifying my outrageous claims that I have this unreasonable deal with Mother Nature. I can't go into details.

I do have this sad, sad picture though:

As you can see, it details the weather across the US on the 19th of December, around noon. I am in the yellow :)

They were alone and they were ashamed...

Often, I venture to the movies alone. I liberated myself a few years ago, and have gone solo to movie theaters on a regular basis ever since. My favorite place to watch movies is a little theater in Shirlington. There's no real good reason I love that place so much. It doesn't have stadium seating, the theaters are small, and the screens are low, it's pretty old, and the audiences are sparse. But hey, I do like to put my feet on the backs of the seats in front of me, and usually the audience consists only of a few housewives, a few elderly couples, and me. [Insert here predicted comments about a.) how I can't wait to be a housewife or 1/2 of an elderly couple and b.) how I don't have a "real job" and thus go to the movies in the middle of the day]

Friday, I had some time in the late afternoon and decided to go astray to a theater I never go to. It's inside a mall; I thought shopping and perhaps I would take in a matinee.

There should be no question what I wanted to see: Disney's new animated film "The Princess and the Frog". I thirsted for the feel good, high moral, musical cartoon.

At 1:22pm on Friday afternoon I walked into the theater and found a different scene then which I am accustomed: there were a bunch of moms and kids and then, the best shock of all.. peppered through out the seats were fellow solo movie-goers, but they were men! Now, mind you, this theater/mall is situated among various government agencies and many large, national, non-profit organizations. At least three of the men were still in suits. One of them was wearing some pretty thuggish street clothes and had a pierced ear or at least he should have. But mostly, they were middle aged business men sneaking out in the middle of their lunch breaks to watch "The Princess & the Frog". They were alone and they were ashamed.

I couldn't get over it. I mean, sure, it makes sense- when else would they be able to go watch that movie? Like any self-respecting straight man with out kids, they were forced to sneak around to watch the new Disney movie. How would they ever explain this to their girlfriends? What would their dude friends say? Really, there is no other way for them. This was their only opportunity.

But, their secret is not so secret anymore: I know, and now you know. The thing is: it's OK. As a matter of fact, I am proud of them... both for going and for keeping it a secret.

Time Change

I have many things to report on... but this conversation happened today, and I needed to get it out there; to shout it aloud, to inspire the world to feel with me. Maybe change the Presidents mind about this whole... ordeal.

[This chat has been modified from its original version. It has been formatted to fit this screen and edited for content]

Friend: We get an extra hour...or recapture the one stolen from us this spring

me: Yay! i take back the f bomb

X: its all yours

me: so now at six it will be five?

no!

it gets darker earlier

F again

and they shouldn't have waited so long to do this

i don't like that they pushed it to Nov

X: yes but it will be lighter when we get up.

me: not for me, the noon sun is pretty much the same no matter what time of year.

As you can read, I am maybe one of the least effected people out there... but this time change business is still alarming to me. Not because it messes with my light, but because it speaks to something greater: we (and by "we" I am referring to not only man kind, but in particular myself and NASA) haven't figured out the true calendar yet.

Ok, here is the deal: a calendar measures time and the laps of time dependent on the moon, stars, space, God, etc. Back in the day everyone thought they could figure out the calendar. The Aztecs started it and the Jews pretty much finished it. At some point everyone just threw in the towel and agreed that we were just close enough.

We add a day every four years, we have an extra day every other month, except for July & August when we have two consecutive months of 31, we mess with the time twice a year so it all evens out (though I realize that step it just a luxury of light and harvest, in a perfect world the time would fix it on its own.)

Also, there must be some tie in with global warming. I am not sure how, but it is in there somewhere. Right? It has to be. It gets hotter at noon, in the summer. It must get hotter during some grand calendar cycle.

Ok, anyway, if we can figure out how to get to the moon, we should be able to figure out how the tides roll in and how to have a perfect calendar.