Not OK

Finally we can have our guns in the District, but we can't roam around as a free man/woman. New "Neighborhood Safety Zones" (NSZ's) will be set up and literally have police checkpoints.That's right, if you want to roll down certain streets in the District you have to pass by our fascist police and tell them why you are there. So if you don't live there, work there, or have a "legitimate" reason to be there they will kick you out or arrest you. Just depends.

Define "legitimate"? I mean really:

I am going to check on my baby's mama, let me in the 'hood. Ok.

I am going to make a baby, let me in the 'hood. Ok

I am going to steal my baby, let me in the 'hood. No.

Right, sure, like anyone is going to be just tell the police what mayhem they are planning on doing once they are inside the fascist territory.

Another exciting part of this new plan is pedestrians will not be subject to the public safety checks:

You would like to go in there and shoot someone? Ok, but you gonna walk in there like a man!

Are we being kept out or are they being kept in?:

I think we all know the answer to this... I can think of a place in time where this happened... everyone wore badges on their arms identifying themselves. The General Government of the Nazi administration set up a similar plan back in Warsaw during WWII. Fail.

http://mpdc.dc.gov/mpdc/cwp/view,a,1238,q,565197,mpdcNav_GID,1541.asp

I know what you are thinking- the 14th Amendment, right? Apparently they took the "We the people of the United STATES" too literally again. We know, you are a district. We also know you are crazy.

The Fourth O' July

This may very well be my last Independence Day in DC... combine that with the fact that we have an overwhelming love of our Nation, and what is produced is the best Fourth ever.

Here is a rough time line of events from my fourth (yes, I started on Thursday, after all that is the day they sat down and signed the declaration) with a few notations.

Thursday:

Bonfire- well, it was supposed to be a bonfire, till we realized that we didn't come prepared to put out said fire... so we didn't want it to get too big. That and it was like 90 degrees out. So we kept the actual fire on the smaller side. It was fantastic though. Complete with a dramatic reading of the Declaration of Independence. Of all the things happening on the 3rd of July, I am confidant that the spirits of John Hancock, Ben Franklin, & Co decided to come to our bonfire.

Friday:

Fun Run- How can a run be fun? Make it short and theme it! Matt Waldrip wasn't going to stand for a pancake breakfast with out a fun run... so we made it happen. Everyone wore patriotic garb and set out to run the exhausting two blocks... Kristi and I hosted two water stations. Proper hydration is an important liberty we all share.

Pancake Breakfast- It takes a lot for me to be impressed by an event that I don't plan. I was impressed.

The Pool- Nothing is more American then stretching your entrepreneurial skills and getting a good 10 people in a pool with one pass for two.

BBQ- Yum. Well, Kyle put too much pepper in the pork, but other then that it was great ;)

Boat on the Potomac- They said it couldn't be done... but we had our own little miracle and secured a boat that took us from Old Town Alexandria, up to Georgetown, DC along the Potomac River... We then stopped and enjoyed the fireworks on the water. No better view of the fireworks in DC- framed by the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial.

To start a bonfire- you need only one thing: a card carrying Eagle Scout! Thank you Joe Johnston.

But to really get the bonfire going, it needs to be hot! Thank you Katie Magleby & friend.

Good times had by all!

Fourth Fun Run:

Pancake Breakfast:

On The Potomac:

I had one of the best independence days to date...

John McCain Hearts Lifetime Televison

I guess I started a blog-revolution of sorts. This blog is written by Amberly Kingsford (of the charcoal empire). She is my first guest blogger. This original post is from her, but her blog is private. Here it is:

Monday, June 9, 2008

Picture it: Sunday, June 8th. Having actually gone to all 3 hours of church (yea us), Larren decided he needed to take a nap. I wasn't tired at all, but bored out of my mind. Where does a woman turn to in her time of need? I began to get depressed. Then...light at the end of the tunnel. I knew there was one friend that would be there for me.

I flipped on Lifetime: Television for Women.Luckily, they had just what I needed: a Lifetime original movie to zone out to and watch simultaneously (during commercials) with whatever crap was replaying for the 5th time on MTV. (I can't stop THAT addiction. Don't even try.) I'm not sure if any of you watch Army Wives, but apparently it's a show that is pretty popular amongst RLM (Regular Lifetime Viewers). If you know Lifetime, and I'm sure 99% of you reading this won't admit it, but you DO know it, you know that they cut to commercials every 30 seconds. So really, you only watch like 30 minutes of movie and 1.5 hours of commercials. But...I digress.

Every 30 seconds, I'd see the promo reminding me that Season 2 of Army Wives was beginning right after my sap movie. Annoying, yes, but thanks for the info. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse...John McCain flashes on my screen. Wait-what...what is HE doing here? Well, he must be here for election biz, right? Wrong, my friend. So wrong. No...John was there for one reason, and one reason only:

"Army Wives is a great show. I know; Cindy makes me watch it with her. Stay tuned for the debut tonight, only on Lifetime." {-John McCain}

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny...are you for real? What has made you stoop to this level? We know you don't watch Army Wives! No one does! And I KNOW you were reading the queue cards...I saw your beady little eyes flicking back and forth!

Yeah Right

If NASA wasn't already a joke, there is now this: http://lro.jhuapl.edu/NameToMoon/

Which, no, this is not a brilliant marketing ploy fishing for names online... it really is from NASA. It is a direct link from this official page: http://lunar.gsfc.nasa.gov/

Now, some might wonder, is NASA for real? So, they are telling me they are collecting names of random people for no apparent reason, putting their names in some micro-chip, sending it to the moon, also for no apparent reason, and then giving out a certificate showcasing the name-owners support of the mission? Why?!

This is just egging me on. Someone over at NASA is just bored and wants to mess with me*. I couldn't ask for a more absurd "mission". (The Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter -aka LRO- is the first mission in NASA's Vision for Space Exploration, a plan to return to the moon and then to travel to Mars and beyond.)

Not one person has given me any reason to believe that NASA is not just a front to launder tax money. You tell me what makes more sense:

A.) NASA takes millions upon millions of our tax dollars and really just fields the funds to things we actually need (yet Congress would never approve) like global security needs.

or

B.) NASA is hard at work, space exploring (with virtually no accountability) spending our monies on the following-

B1.) The National Air & Space Museum. A museum full of first grade science fair projects- really? This is supposed to convince me that NASA is real?

B2.) The botched fake moon landing. Really? I am glad they staged it. I hate Commies.

B3.) Remember the love triangle with the rocket scientists? They were working, yet had all the time on their hands to craft a web of soap opera lives to entertain the nation.

and now B4.) They are spending millions for a partnership with a university, to collect names and spend them to space to save the world!

If you like NASA's offering, you can also buy a star (which probably has already burned out, or is not even visible from earth) on various irreputible websites or on ebay. A star AND you can send your name in space.

*They are either messing with me, or they just think Americans are stupid. At which, I am pissed that they can't be more creative/intelligent with their cover stories.

Poolside Propaganda

Aw, summertime... no season captures the essence of this country more than Summer: BBQ's, parades, backyard baseball games, & roadside lemonade. In fact, yesterday it was glowing outside. Yes, glowing. I am certain that there is some sort of smog inversion involved... but when that golden glow hit the lush green grassy knoll in my back yard, I was proud to be living in the land of the free & home of the brave.

This summer we have an added Americana bonus: Propaganda. And I love it. Just the other day I was reading about how gas is actually cheap. What? That is right. And you know what? I believe every word of it. (According to the Energy Information Administration, in 1922 gasoline cost the current-day equivalent of $3.11. 86 years and pocket change- literally. - its about $10/gallon in Europe http://www.slate.com/id/2191491/)

Now, with Bush on his way out, and Barry on his way in (unless Hillary throws a tantrum, which has been working for her lately- shout out to Michigan & Florida's 1/2 votes) here in DC we have outrageous job turnover. Which means eager kids are running the white house. No lie. Every experienced staffer is clamoring to find secure employment before the commie-ran Obama camp moves in... so, their jobs are being snatched up by pretentious recent grads.

And I applaud them. Thank you. The cautious damage control focused Bush team was always on the defense, and I like this new eager bunch. The attitude has shifted to doing what is right for Bush to doing what is right for America.

We need propaganda. It makes us feel good.

These eager staffers are to America what Will Smith is to summer blockbusters...they are both non-threatening heroes! Targeting our emotions and giving us exactly what we want.

I am excited for Americans to live out the summer with pride before it all goes to pot (maybe literally) after the liberals take over and tell us how much America sucks. So get out there, spend your stimulus package on a new Red White & Blue for the front of your house and let fredom ring!

DCL Treated Me Well

I scooped up 16 of my friends for a weekender at the lake house on Deep Creek Lake, MD.

As if the house wasn't enough (private lake access, pool table, hot tub, Swedish sauna, boat dock, etc) I was able to share the good times with a great group. We laughed, we cried, and we laughed so hard we cried.

The best way to tackle sharing this weekend with those who couldn't be with us is through picture narratives... this will allow you to get a glimpse of what was. Though, of course, some things you will never get and somethings are just the kind of things I don't post on the world wide web. Enjoy:



Here is the entire group. Peter: Where is your shirt?

"Kytanic 08": Some might tell a different story, but I am here to set the record straight: The only reason Quinn and I are alive today is due to my extensive water safety training & kayak skills. Basically, Wayne & Adri are puppy killers. Quinn & I are survivors.

When living on a dead-end road in the middle of freaking no where, it is important to save the Mormons. This gem of a sign was a gift... no, a blessing... we were tired, we were hungry, we were somewhat "lost" but then we see this. Much laughter and jubilee followed. I was saved. Turns out the Church is still true.

The lake freezes in the winter... it thaws in the spring. Let the record show, I was swimming in it May 23rd. Why? Because I do whatever the hell I want.

Ambercrombie called, they needed a new cover for the catalog. We agreed.

The Six Sinners didn't make it to church- but we did make it to the Super Walmart (which could have had its own zipcode) and we were able to buy the appropriate materials for a 100 foot long slip n slide for our hill.

Private docks are good for the same thing as private hele-pads: personal door to door service. Thanks to some well connected people, I was picked up at the dock on a speed boat and then taken out for an afternoon of lovely boating. As a side note, all the haters who showed up at the lake house were flown down to duck beach for the weekend.

When I grow up I would like to have ATVs, hot chocolate machines, tree houses, zip lines, and a lovely family to spend time with me at my lake house that sleeps 30 in beds.

Chemical Warfare

So there I was in my kitchen tonight... I had just arrived home from watching Iron Man to find my kitchen hosting a smaller, more powerful smell then normal.

I began sniffing around in hopes of discovering the offender; to no avail. But, I had things to do, I couldn't be bothered with this pesky possibly-growth-stunting-chemical invasion of my house... I went downstairs into my room to work on high importance level project. I still noticed the smell, but didn't think much of it; I was busy.

Moments later my roommate came downstairs. She was concerned. The smell was apparently getting stronger upstairs... she was right. It was outright loud.

Like a true hero, I put my project on hold and I began a full fledged investigation upstairs.

Here were my findings:

Yesterday there was a minor ant invasion. We had sprayed. Could this smell be lingering ant spray? Seems unlikely, but as a true detective would, I took into account exterior factors: the oven was on; heat thus exacerbating the odor of the once stale ant spray. Furthermore, the spray had sat all day; thus could have germinated. Must just be the ant spray.

Returning to my room, I discover my room may actually be the vector. Eeek. Surveying my room, I decide to throw out my trash. I walk out to our shared garage space to the trash bin and discover this scene before my eyes:

Next door neighbor refinishing the garage floor at midnight. Nice. Buckets of lacquer and paint. He casually comments, "I bought the quick-dry stuff, the smell should be gone in about 5 hours." Translation: "This large bucket of poly-blah-blah has extra smelling chemicals in it and by morning you should be completely high. Hope your dreams trip you out tonight. Sleep well sucka".

Sweet dreams!