Here it is...

The State of the Art of Public Speaking

2012-01-24T20:02:00.000-08:00

If you are joining me for the first time, this is what happens: I watch the State of the Union. I type my responses live as it spills off the teleprompter into President Obama's mouth, and back out again to us as he feeds us words (like baby-birds).

Things in BOLD BLUE are either quotes or paraphrases of President Obama. My reaction is immediately after in standard color.

Here we go...

_________

Last month I went to Andrews, welcomed home the troops from Iraq. A million fought. This generations has made the US safer & more respected around the world. Thank you George W.

_________

Joe Biden- that tie with the diagonal stripes is making the camera go wacky.

_________

Everyone gets a fair shot. Everyone plays by the same rules - Flat tax? flat tax? Immediate disappointment when I realize he is talking about socialism. Sigh.

_________

(Talking of the mortgage crisis): In 2008 the house of cards collapsed. Get it... HOUSE PUN!

_________

Join me to train 2 million directly to a job. HOW OMG HOW?!

_________

Every state requires every student stay in high school until they graduate or turn 18. HOW? No really, how?

_________

Doubling work-study jobs in the next five years? HOW OMG HOW? We can't afford this. Wait for it, he agrees with me: we can't keep subsidizing- we can't afford it.

_________

We should take on illegal immigration... Send me a bill that affords people to stay in this country and I will sign it. SEND ME A UNICORN & I WILL RIDE IT ALL THE WAY TO THE MOON!

_________

Blah, blah, blah, Natural Gas, Natural Gas, Natural Gas. Attention anyone who is reading this. He is talking about fracking. ITS FRACKING. Why wont he just say that? Oh, because it is highly controversial. Oh because near fracking sights, tap water lights on fire if near a flame? See this video. Keystone pipeline? What? Huh? Oh yeah.

_________

(On war money): We should use 1/2 to pay down debt, & use the rest to pay for nation building right here at home. Uhhhhh- he is planning to use only HALF to pay ALL the debt. Ok, you spend $100 at war, then you will pay $50 back and $50 on some ~~toys~~ "infrastructure jobs" that you will reap back 30% of in taxes ($15)... someone get me a calculator.

_________

If you're a mortgage lender. The days of signing people up for loans they cant afford: those days are over. Where are my Clintons at? See this 1999 article. If you read nothing else, read that. & I am asking attorney general to expand investigations that led to the housing crisis. Let me save you the trouble... FOUND! Here.

_________

America is back. Anyone who tells you otherwise doesn't know what they are talking about. I agree.

_________

Our freedom endures because of men/women in uniform who defend it. Can you have your cake and eat it too?

_________

Obama care- oh yeah, never mind. never mentioned.

Hillary- the headband, really?

11/12

2012-01-01T09:55:00.000-08:00

2011: Wasn't bad... but we can do better. The new year brings new hope. My birthday is in a few weeks--- so that is an added sense of renewal for me. I am excited for the what can be.

And what you all come here for- the pictures. Here is a 2011 recap.

Top to bottom, Left to Right:
My birthday, Times Square, Spring Picnics, Memorial Day at the Lake
Youth Conference, Independence Day, Country Concerts, Cheat Lake Bon Fire
Kua Bay Hawaii, Duck Beach NC, Ward Retreat Cunningham Falls, Hudson Valley River
Navy Football Games, Birth of Junior, Gingerbread Houses, Christmas at National Harbor

Mary McMullen 2011 Gift Guide

2011-11-17T07:32:00.001-08:00

Hello my babies! If you are like me & don't live near your family - you are not around day in & out to hear them say subtle things like "there are no good pot-holders in this house!" or "buy me a damn watch". So, I am here to post things that might help you be inspired to give. This list leans towards adults (think: friends, aunts, cousins, parents, babysitters, teachers, siblings). The thing with kids is that usually if you ask them what they want, they will tell you. Adults always say "I don't need anything"- or you are too polite to say. And sometimes, as an adult, you don't even know what you want.

_________________________________________
Local Nature

This takes a little bit of thought, but for someone who you won't see- this is a fun/easy/cheap alternative. Go outside and find something local & mail it in a padded mailer to your loved one. Once my friends mom mailed her some orange blossom leaves from Arizona, my mother once mailed me some Cherries from our backyard tree. Or simply gather fall leaves, or melted snow in a tiny bottle. I know, its kinda weird, but trust me, it will make whoever gets it feel closer to you then they have in a long while.

_________________________________________
Book Hook Wooden Book Mark

Sleek, smart, and preserves your read. You can buy it here, for $50 + shipping (note: ships from Germany) or I am certain you could make it yourself quite simply. Get to home depot!

___________________________________________
Star Projector or Pinhole Planetarium

Dreamy. I can't imagine anyone not wanting this pinhole planetarium ($22). You have to build it yourself, but no big deal. For a fun design, try this 3-D option. ($40) If you'd like a little more accurate/fancy you can splurge on this one instead for the real astro-buff. $100

____________________________________________
Stamps

Useful or collectible. Encourages communication, they also last forever. I showcased the Maritime stamps- but they offer many more, everything from Edward Hopper for the art fan, to Indy 500 for the nascar fan. $2-8 for packs.

____________________________________________
Cheese Making Kit

First of all, cheese is delicious. Part science project, part foodie gift. Mozzerella Kit. $18.50 from Amazon.com - I have also seen these on sale for cheaper at my local Harris Teeter in their speciality cheese case.

____________________________________________
Lego Architecture

Inspire an kid or help an adult fulfill a designing dream. I could see a man working on this while watching his nightly news. Lego Architecture Kits. $20-$199 depending on size and intricacy. Sears tower shown, $20. Other options include: Frank Lloyd Wright houses, Guggenheim Building, and more.

____________________________________________
Night Hike Compass

Could be practical. Could be used as a paper weight on a desk. Could be fun for a kid to play with. Glow in the Dark Compass . Found from American Science & Surplus, which has a ton of other fun items. $10 once shipped.

_______________________________________________
LaLaLoopsy Dolls

Its a modern rag doll. It's cute & looks easy to clean. $30 average... $6 for a mini-$50 for a doll & accessories. A boy & a girl, a girly girl, You can buy pretty much anywhere in store too (target, walmart, toys r us, FAO).

___________________________________________________
Two Bonus Gift Ideas:

Make or buy baked good- brownies, cookies, or a whole cake.

Give an addict their vice- a 12 pack of diet coke, a bulk pack of chapstick, scented candles, whatever they use often and in repetition. It's nice to not have to buy your normal loot.

All the Hallows that Eve

2011-10-26T19:55:00.000-07:00

I really enjoy Halloween. I like to dress up.

The thing is that when I really think about it, Halloween is absurd. If there are aliens, I desperately hope they show up on Halloween, not knowing that it isn't just what we do. We don't dress in craziness, we don't send our children out to gather our food intake from other houses for variety. That's the magic of it all- it's so beyond what we would typically do, but it is so socially accepted. Even people who wouldn't dress up for a theme party, or wouldn't even dress up for a fancy party- will dress up on Halloween.

Not only is is just a bunch of silliness- its a pretty pointed theme. It is celebrating nothing. And don't get all Halloween-historic on me. No one really knows/really cares. It's a holiday for holidays sake. There is nothing to do but focus on the event itself. Even Valentines Day- which might be the most made up of them all, is celebrating love. Ok, I guess St. Patricks day isn't much of a holiday either- but there are no St. Patrick traditions- besides getting drunk. Halloween: you have a goal. You dress up. You get treats. You trick people.

A review- dressing up, treats, imagination, creativeness, magic, the occult, playing tricks, a singular focus, friends, fun, lolipops (literally), sunshine (hopefully), and rainbows (if you're lucky). [[See what I just did there, that was a throw-back to St. Patricks day and the Luck of the Irish]].

What's not to love? Let loose. Happy Halloween!

Here is a glimpse of my costume this year...

Any guesses what's happening here? Stay tuned...

We Still Get It- Outer Banks Vacation Report

2011-09-08T15:31:00.000-07:00

This travelogue is dedicated to Petechat.blogspot.com - he asked for it, and we know that every one else kinda sorta really desperately wants to know what happened too. And if you were there, then we can safely assume you have a touch of narcissism. After all, we are the Mean Girls.

So this is a, cough, heavily edited, tell-all.

The Car Ride Down

Me, Heather, Wayne & Joe piled into the family mini-van & pasted our stick figure stickers on the back window. The most important thing that came of the car convos was the outline of our upcoming summer escape-lit novella... A period piece set in Nauvoo. "Noble Heart: A Pioneer Pony-Tale. ©" Should hit Deseret Book shelves by the new year.

We also discussed various terms of endearment. The winning nickname was "fruitsnack". That's right. "Babe" is out, "Fruitsnack" is in... "Hey Fruitsnack, lookin' good".

Joe & his mustache + Wayne & Heather in the basket at Harris Teeter.

The Next Three Days (also the title of a movie we watched; not worth it).

It is almost just a blur of happiness. It happened and it was wonderful.

Wayne took it upon himself to dig a hole in the beach. Patricia and Michelle also were obedient to the task. The entire beach was wondering why? Why a hole? Why now?! The answer: "If we didn't dig it, who would?".

I never said digging it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.

Sadly, the weekend wasn't with out incident or accident. Kathy and Mother Ocean got in a fight. Kathy didn't get wet, the ocean got Wallaced. She is a survivor; sadly a survivor with a broken neck. The good news is that did overshadow the accident that Kim was victim to: the glass table breaking when she was on it. Let me just say this about that- she was not dancing on the table.

Joe cleaning up debris from Hurricane Kim

To cope, Dave time traveled back to 1993. He was on the land line phone, trying to decide what VHS to watch. I won't even mention Gorky Park. Don't google it. Just don't.

Dave circa 1993

Meanwhile, Nate decided that instead of digging a hole in the sand, he should build up the sand and fulfilled a lifelong dream of becoming King Triton, a merman. Ok, fine, it was my idea. Whatever. Proof it happened:

I still am in shock that this happened. And that I took a picture. And that I posted it publicly.

Another source of distraction came from the jumbo straws we bought. $2.50 provided not only convenient drinking straws, allowing no need to raise your drink any higher than necessary, but they also offered a chance for Joe & Kyle to build a mega-straw and try to drink from a couple stories high. They failed.

Nice try.

All the while we were able to relax in the hot tub, which suspiciously had a built in strobe light feature. The tie-in there to the '93 time travel is still unclear. This year, instead of floating Nachos, Stephanie classed it up with floating Chocolate & Chilled grapes. At that point we thought we got it... but then Tuesday morning, thanks to Heather, we finally really did get it. We moved our chairs down to the water and let the tide roll in, giving us a kiss of the ocean ever few minutes. How did it take five days to figure that trick out? I will never know.

Speaking of things that were unknown. Someone in our ward, on the trip, didn't know who Joe was. Lulz.

Overall, another successful outer banks trip. A huge thank you to the gal-pals Jenny and Kathy for planning it this year! I don't want to wait a whole year for it again.

BEACH, PLZ!

[Important Edits: 7:51pm, 9/8/2011]

Edit 1. Early reports are that they did indeed succeed with the multi-story-straw. I doubt it, but I did do the splits one night at 2am, in the midst of many nay-sayers, so with that, I will say anything is possible.

Edit 2. Also, on the ride down JoeJohn twice exited the vehicle, while in motion, to remove debris. The first time I thought he was just done with us and leaving. But no, he was saving the trip

Hurricane Irene

2011-08-29T09:53:00.000-07:00

The flame of hate I have for the Media still burns bright. In the aftermath of Hurricane Irene, that flame has now lit a field of viewers on fire too. The news today is all about how the storm was over hyped. There was a poll in my local paper asking if it “met expectations”. WTF; expectations? Wrong word choice. I didn’t have expectations, I had information, subsequent fears, and prepared accordingly.

They are devastated there isn’t more devastation. Disappointed that the East Coast wasn’t swallowed up by the Altantic, people are laughing, jeering, and forgetting…

PEOPLE DIED.

I am sickened by survivors running amuck making fun of the “non-hurricane”. They are just as blind as those who were fear-mongering beforehand (incidentally, the cross over between the two groups has got to be high- more on that later).

At least 21 people died. MILLIONS went without power. Thousands are stranded by floods. There is 10B worth of estimated damage (the B stands for billion).

Thankfully, as I sit here eating my emergency-cheesecake I bought (just in case things got real bad), I have power. A tree didn’t cause my house to crumble on top of me. Flood waters aren’t outside my front door ready to sweep me or my car away. Others can't be as thankful. As a nation, we were more prepared this time then we were for Katrina. Thankfully people bought provisions beforehand, headed evacuation orders, hunkered down. Thankfully the storm was down-graded and wasn’t a Cat 3 the entire time it was over land.

Those people who bought into the hype and thus induced hysteria; those who were fighting people at the store to secure their 13th case of water, those who were prophesying that entire cities would be wiped out. Those people feel silly. Those people are now making fun of what wasn’t. Those people are now just as bad as the media who sent them to the stores in frenzy in the first place. Those who weren’t freaking out beforehand, but were appropriately preparing by gathering emergency supplies without sending alarmist shock waves through their circles, are not upset: glad they had water & food for the weekend and didn’t have to risk going outside.

Irene could have been far worse. She unfortunately brought death and devastation. Let’s be thankful that we were prepared as best we could be and that next time we will have lived through this (some didn’t) and that we will know more of what to expect.

UPDATE: someone sent me this link. A visual representation of what we went through.

http://www.theatlantic.com/infocus/2011/08/hurricane-irene/100138/

[This photo comes from the NASA website, unaltered, to show you the size of storm we encountered. You know, the one people keep dismissing.]

I've Been Poisoned...

2011-07-21T21:17:00.001-07:00

...by oak.

I noticed a weird set of hives on the top of my hand Sunday, but wasn't alarmed. Monday they were still there. Tuesday they were throwing a party. I went to the pharmacist who told me to get some benadryl spray. I did. Tonight (thursday) the "rash" was showing no signs of retreat.

Convinced I was a leper, I called home. Dr. Mom didn't seem alarmed. I finally had to email a picture of the situation, only to find out from my woodland father that I have POISON OAK.

omg. freak out. not me.

I will spare you all photos. Just know it's not contagious.

I had to do something drastic, so I immediately went online and bought a dress... then I used my wits and attacked the rash with some lactic/salicylic gel and a vitamin C/peptide resurfacing crystal regimen, if it is gone by morning I will be marketing that peel to wealthy hunters as there is no cure for poison oak; it takes up to two weeks to heal. TWO WEEKS.

Redbox

2011-06-20T20:20:00.000-07:00

I distinctly remember the last time I was truly embarrassed. I was in the 5th grade. Sure, embarrassing things happen to me, but the emotion of embarrassment is something I just don't experience. I am not even sure I can really empathize with those who get embarrassed; for it has been far too long since I felt it. I find this a blessing. Sometimes it's a curse.

I don't have a functional DVD player and I haven't for a few years now. I do rent Redbox rentals for my students at work though. Tonight, I saw a charge from Redbox for not returning a rental, so I called them to find out what it was. I was prepared for it to be something a 15 year old would want to watch. What I got was so much more.

Redbox Agent: "Thanks for calling Redbox, this is Jaylen, how may I help you?" (ok, right there, I know this guy can't be more then 22 years old. His name is Jaylen for goodness sakes. And he just sounded youthful.)

Me: "I need to know what movie wasn't returned on my account?" I then have to deliver a lot of information. I don't sound 15.

Jaylen looks it up. Jaylen chuckles! Audibly laughs. Through the giggles, says "Ma'am, it was Justin Beieber Never Say Never"

Me: "Don't judge me" (about to explain it was for a middle school after school program)

Jaylen: "It's ok, no judgments here, my girlfriend made me watch it, its not bad." Another fit of laughter!

Me: "No, I have an after school program for middle school students... (at this point I realize I sound like I am lying) never mind, just know that I don't have any cats."

Jaylen: (can't stop giggling)

Me: "NO CATS!" and I hang up.

*If only Jaylen only knew that this is the second time I have blogged about Justin Beieber.

Two Lists: Summer and Summer

2011-06-08T16:46:00.001-07:00

Summer 2011: Two Lists, One Summer.

List #1- What I am declaring as the next big thing and What's OUT/dead/boring me

Home made Popsicles v. home made ice cream

Designer Jello Desserts (not kidding) v. Cupcakes

Twitter v. Face book (WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?)

All sorts of weird and wonderful co-ops v. uninspirational farmers Markets

Enjoying the movies v. thought-provoking, deep movies

Casual Parisian Cafes (preferably with outside tables & exceptional service) v. Food trucks

And a bonus list tonight, because we are taking to the beach this Friday...

List #2: Beach Bag Essentials!

Sunscreen, duh.
Aloe lotion, duh.
Blistex Medicated, duh.
Flip flops.
Extra pair of sunglasses.
Portable ipod speakers. Some people like to read. I like to jam out.
Quarters (about $10 worth). Either to pay for the sno-cone or the parking meter. Beach culture is a cash culture.
Baby wipes. They are great to wash the salt water & sand mixture right off. Or the sticky Popsicle residue (see list #1).
Plastic bags. Great to have for wet suits, sea shell collections, trash, or to protect your phone from the sand & waves.

It's a bad year to be a bad guy...

2011-05-26T07:01:00.000-07:00

2011 has been a bad year to be a bad guy. A sampling/warning:

Bosnia genocide suspect Ratko Mladic arrested in Serbia

Rwandan genocide mastermind captured in DRC

Former Hutu militia leader Bernard Munyagishari, wanted on charges of crimes against humanity, arrested after 17 years

Federal authorities arrested over 100 organized crime suspects in the northeastern U.S.,in one of the largest single-day operations against the mafia in history.

And of course, Osama Bin Laden Dead.

Who is going to link this to Kim Jong Il?

Camelot

2011-05-09T08:38:00.000-07:00

There was a period of time in recent American history referred to as "Camelot". The charisma of the Kennedy family and the success of his Administration led to the nickname.

There was also a time in recent Single-Mormon-Crystal-City history that I like to refer to as The Camelot Years. Those years are now over. Solidified with the move of our ward house location.

It turns out I don't own that building on the Potomac River. "That's my building" I used to say. Sigh. It was never for my own.

And it wasn't just the building. Just like with the Kennedy years; it was the way things were, the people, the administration, the innocence. Now, I realize the past is typically intrinsically better. After all, I was younger then. It was when I was in my 20's for goodness sakes.

I will look back on The Camelot Years with great fondness. There was so much to love.

Jackie Kennedy remarked, "There’ll be great presidents again… but there’ll never be another Camelot." I echo her sentiments.

I almost didnt post this...

2011-04-16T17:07:00.000-07:00

But I couldn't help myself...

See, what you have here is an art project our local youth created. They didn't have much time. They could only use what was given to them. We were asked to use recycled materials, and as teams build visual representations of the restoration of our Church. That is right. It is now what you think you are looking at. The Heavenly Father is the Quaker Oats Man and Jesus is the Raisin Bran Sun; both Spirits depicted on milk jugs. That is indeed Joseph Smith praying at the bottom and the green/brown mess is the Sacred Grove. Now... I know, I KNOW.

Let this serve as your formal announcement that I am going to be traveling to upstate NY this summer on a trip with these kids, as their leader. Quaker Oats Man save us all.

A good day to blog...

2011-04-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

Today is a good day to blog. I have done all my chores (at least the ones I will ever do). I don't have any work looming over my head like a stupid rain-cloud. I have hours to kill, but the problemo (Espanol for "problem") is that I don't have anything to blog about. Which, when I think about it, I never really did have anything I NEED to blog about...

Today I will blog about a gift I got, one which I am using right now. About three years ago my friend Diana (who apparently also ran out of things to blog about; disheartening) asked me if I wanted to go on a weekend cabin trip to a place I love; Deep Creek Lake... with people I didn't love. I didn't love them because I hadn't met them yet. Diana ended up not going, but I still went.

Obama was running for President, The Yankees were still playing on their old field, and I was still in my 20's. On that trip I met some extraordinary people who I became long-time friends with. Shout out to Jen Brooks, whose bridal shower I just went to and to Will Perry (it could have been great with us, but Mary Perry rhymes, and would never work).

The trip was filled with rustling trees, fall leaves, bright skies, a good food. One night someone made something delicious and I later emailed her for the recipe. In return she sent me a file of her roommates family annual recipe collection. I. use. it. all. the. time.

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Now, it turns out there are names that are quite popular and commonplace in this religion. One surname being Christensen. Which, is the namesake of the file. I have no idea who these people are. I might not ever. But if you know Amy, Cammi, or Liz, Katie, or Alisa Christensen, go ahead and thank them for me.

By the by, if you want the recipe file, email me and I will email it to you. It includes such things as Peanutbutter Crumb Cake, Sweet Hawaiian Rolls, Tropical Coconut Chicken, Summer Squash Pesto Soup, and so many more. You're welcome Interwebz.

Spring- Missing Words

2011-03-04T11:47:00.000-08:00

I hate spring; not the season itself; have something against the word "spring". It means a few things. Its obviously the season after Winter, before Summer. Which I love. So, then it is also a place where water flows naturally (typically after snow melt, during Springtime, thus the damn origin of that version of word). A spring is also a mechanical device that is usually a spiral that returns to it shape when released, or absorbs shock when pressed. You can also "spring" a leak, or people can "spring" out of something (jail or bed, whatever).

The problem here is we use this word for so many different things. It all started because this glorious beautiful season evokes growth, renewal, rains, warmer weather, flowers, lollipops, rainbows and sunshine. (If you aren't getting lollipops, you are doing it wrong).

And for that, I am excited.

[The picture feature isn't working right now. Imagine a lovely photo from last springtimes cherry blossom festival]

But it still troubles me that we can not figure out how to stop using this word. They all mean completely different things! Spring (the season) is the origin for all the other definitions of the word "spring" but come on, it's just crazy that we can't collectively be more creative here. And don't get me started on words that don't even exist. There are missing words in our language. At least people just started filling things in with the same word (spring). Some words just aren't.

Oscar-Mania, or maybe just mania

2011-02-12T14:26:00.001-08:00

I have been meaning to blog like a thousand different things lately. And haven't. Which, is a good, right? It means I am busy... or lazy. Either way, a win for me.

The first thing we need to talk about is the Oscars. They are in a few short weeks (Feb. 27th, ABC)... I love the movies. I like all art really, but the movies are near the top of my list. Non-purposefully, I have seen all of the nominations for Best Film, albeit one (Black Swan, and I have no desire to see it, so probably won't). Not only have I seen most of the nominated films, but I am also quite opinionated.

So which is my pick for best pic? I have reasons... I have opinions... Lets go through each of the Nominations for Best Picture...

The crowd favorite is The Kings Speech. Which, granted is first-rate. It has a strong cast, an excellent triumph, and a lot of feel good fluff. This movie is that of summer-lit. Escapism. But of course to the pretentious audience doesn't feel that way, because after all it is a) European and b) historic. Don't get me wrong. I liked the movie. A lot. But it falls a little short. It stands on it's emotions a little bit too much. It doesn't go deep enough.

The other favorite is Inception, but for other reasons. It wasn't as acclaimed by the critics, but the movie-goers ate this movie up. It got everyone talking about it, something the rest of the movies failed to do. It was universally loved because it was good. It had all the elements we want and everything was done exceptionally well, except for the plot. It was complex, and filled with holes. I won't get into all of it (I could write a whole post about this. I won't.) I can not write this article in good faith with out asking you a few questions... Why does Fischer end up in Cobb's limbo? Cobb wasn't the architect or the host of the dream. Doesn't make sense. Also, if it really is Cobb who is in a dream and not awake (like Mal claims), then why is he using Mal's totem- which they explicitly tell us can only be calibrated to the owner. So her spinning top wouldn't really help Cobb. None of this movie makes any sense unless we are to believe that it's all in Mal's dream and they are trying to incept her (theoretically to wake up). But, they never do that in the movie. They do though try to incept Cobb to wake up though, multiple times. Ugh. Doesn't. Make. Sense. Should. Not. Win. That said, I really did like it and did think it was one of the best movies of the year, just not the best.

The Fighter might win. The Academy loves to award people who do physical transformations. If the actor can trick you into forgetting who they are in real life, The Academy thinks they have done a good job. (See: Charlize Theron in Monster). And the entire cast of The Fighter really did transform. Christian Bale over acted though. I don't care how much he was spot-on to the guy he plays in the movie. He over did it. If that man is really that annoying in real life, then they should have toned it down for the movie. The mom, played by Melissa Leo does deserve to win the Best Supporting Actress.

The Kids are All Right was all wrong. It was edgy, but it was also stupid. SPOILER ALERT: I don't know any adult who would act as selfishly as Julianne Moore did in this movie and have all the blame go to someone else; poor Mark Ruffulo. This movie shouldn't have even been nominated.

True Grit: I liked you, but I have a problem with a remake being nominated. You are a copy. You have been done. You have had your time in the sun. You were great the second go round. You were redone really well, but you can't win. You aren't new.

Social Network: The only reason it won the Golden Globe is because the Hollywood Foreign Press Association members are old and thought they were hip with the times exposing the Facebook guy. Anyone who grew up with technology gets it- no big deal here.

Toy Story 3: I wish this movie weren't a cartoon and I wish it wasn't part of a trilogy of cartoons. The story was brilliant. It was even angst-y enough that it had a shot at greatness. Whoever wrote this script should have put it in a different context.

Now, the movie that should win is Winters Bone. This movie had it all. A superb plot. Great cinematography. Impeccable acting. It was gripping. It exposed something that deserves our attention. It was real. It was not pretensions in any way. It was a good story told really well. It had the depth and the breadth that a winning movie should have. (If you don't know, it is about a teen girl who is tracking down her drug-dealing father through the Ozark mountains). It was a better movie than any of the other nominees. Nearly flawless.

My second favorite movie of the lot was 127 Hours. It was genius. I still can't wrap my mind around the story, and it was based off a true story. Gah. HE CUTS HIS OWN ARM OFF. I don't want to find out, but I'd like to think I am bad-ass enough to do that. But the fact that I really can't even fathom it, means I probably wouldn't be. It also made movie strides. It did what Cast Away couldn't do. It was a solo-performance that captivated me. It also was filmed in a limited amount of space and wasn't stifling at all. The director of this movie deserves a win, but he wasn't even nominated. James Franco was, and he deserves the win for Best Actor. He took this movie to a whole new level. I think this movie is a bit before it's time unfortunately. This movie will be used to teach film students for years though. Years, I tell you.

That's a wrap.

Official Moderate Reform Party* Political Response to the State of the Union, 2011

2011-01-25T17:17:00.001-08:00

If you are joining me for the first time, this is what happens: I watch the State of the Union, and all the while, I will type my responses as it spills off the teleprompter into President Obama's mouth, and back out again as he feeds us regurgitated words (like baby-birds).

Things in BLUE are either quotes or paraphrases of President Obama. My reaction is immediately after in standard color.

.....

Obama enters. He is working that room like a politician in November. But it's not November- he must be worried.

"I want to start by congratulating the congress" - WHAT?! I want you to start by giving us an actual state of the union. Because you forgot to do that last time, stay focused.

"The challenges we face are bigger than politics. Jobs are more important than elections." Yes, especially when you are loosing, they are. Man, he really must be worried about his reelection.

"The stock market has come roaring back". Just because you say it, doesn't make it true.

"Challenges that have been decades in the making" Shifting blame.

Quoting a Kennedy (he called him Robert) Who calls Bobby, Robert?

Finally he is talking about his solutions, after telling us how Korea, China and Russia, and India are out smarting us. He claims to have a plan how to get us to be back on top. I have been waiting.

Encouraging innovation. "What we can do, what we do better, is spark imagination. Cars, computers, Edison, the Wright brothers, Google, Facebook. Innovation, it is how we make our living. Free enterprise." Yes, I agree. Who cares if we can spit out a math problem on a test, we invent things. McDonalds, the Internet, Flying, Cars, Coke, Microsoft, the list goes on. And why? I have said it before- we really are that lazy, if there is a better/faster/smarter way to do something, count on an American to figure it out.

OH NO, HE JUST BROUGHT UP THE MOON LANDING. On the moon landing, he said "the science wasn't there yet." interesting. it wasn't? huh, however did we do it then? oh, we didnt? ok.

"I will be sending a budget to invest in biomedical, communication, clean energy technology. an investment. promise of renewable energy. million electric vehicles by 2015. to pay for it: stop giving money to oil companies. new goal: by 2035 80% of US energy from clean energy sources." Steven Chu was writing down furiously, as if he had never heard this before. What is going on? Pull it together. Also, I thought the answer was FREE enterprise, but now its going back to tax reform. Ugh.

Talking about rebuilding America- attracting new businesses. High speed rail needs to be built. !?!?!?!?!? Really, that won't solve anything. Infrastructure. Dies. He just made fun of the FAA patdown. OMG. Stop making fun of it and start changing the policy. If our president thinks it's a joke, it is time to change it. Oh, and more tax reform.

Talking about why America is great, he says, "Its why we have safe air"- ZING china. But he didn't call out china specifically, he should have, he did earlier when talking about our competition and people doing things better than us.

More tax reform. Everything comes back to tax reform.

Debt- our government spends more than it takes in. That is not sustainable. We freeze annual domestic spending for the next five years. This freeze will require painful cuts. We have frozen the salary of hard working. You should have hit those not hard working instead. Don't send a message through these stunts anymore please.

Tip: Don't use airplane crash analogies, EVER, when addressing the U.S. people. I Cringe.

If a bill comes with earmarks, i will veto it. Jerk. Earmarks are how we trade in big-time politics. And it's how we allocate funds.

Iraq is mentioned- 58 min into it, and he talks about leaving. What about Afghanistan?

Oh here it is- Mentions Afgan.

North Korea: abandon nuclear weapons. Let us be clear: we stand with the people of Tunisina. Acknowledges troops, doesn't thank them. 61 min into it he is just now telling me THE STATE OF MY UNION.

"I don't know one person here who would trade places with any other nation on earth." AMEN OBAMA, AMEN!

Shout out to Joe Biden- Biden just fist pumped, lulz.

Obama just took credit for saving the miners. Like a true American. You're welcome Chile, by the way.

.....

Ok, overall, I would have loved to hear a shorter version of this on the campaign trail. Or at a town hall. Or anywhere else where I was NOT expecting to hear how our Nation is doing. He talked about the future too much. And it was inspiring.

Tax reform is happening, I know that much. What I don't know: where our jobs are? What we are doing to create them? What exactly are these tax reforms going to be? Guess: big business breaks will be over, thus, they wont be able to afford to hire all these innovators he is dreaming about.

Another thing we dont know about: Where exactly do we stand with National Security? The wars? The treats of wars? Where is America with regards to other developed countries in terms of the market? What is being done about it? Are we stable? And what is the Medical situation. It passed, now what? That's what the average American wants- timeline us.

Too many questions. No answers. One solution: taxes.

_____________________________________________________

*Moderate Reform Party? Yeah, it doesn't exist... yet. But, it's what I am. I am pretty moderate. An independent you might say? And you'd be wrong. The Independent Party is totally different. I am moderate. I lean right. I am a self-identified Republican, at the moment... but it's not a perfect fit. So, until my party is chartered, I will vote my conscience. I will be pro-choice, anti-drugs, pro-tax, anti-big government, pro-education, anti-obamacare, pro-capitalism, anti-capital punishment, and most important, I will judge the State of the Union Speech.

what really bugs me...

2011-01-06T16:17:00.000-08:00

Happy new year... blah blah blah.

Ok, now that is out of the way, lets talk about some things. Some things that really REALLY bother me.

First, fake mustaches. This is something that I just don't get. There is this trend to have mustaches at parties and people (girls and boys) wear them. I have seen this at weddings, WEDDINGS. What is going on. I mean, it has caught on like wild fire and there is no brand that is making this happen. This trend is totally organic. This trend isn't being sold. There is no 'mustache' profit being made. Anyway, stop it. {Full disclosure, like a billion years ago I provided fake mustaches for my friends Fiesta themed birthday party. If I somehow started this whole mess, I should be able to stop it right?}

See, these beautiful girls look stupid. If you have done this, its ok, it's not your fault (I take the blame) but if you haven't: don't.

Moving on...

The saying "Over the moon". I hate it. I really really hate it. I know, why not let others be happy? Well, I will tell you why not, I hate it for the same reason I hate you when you say "wicked" when you aren't from Boston and the word "uber" when you are not from Germany. You also aren't from the 1700's. (High diddle diddle). It sounds so forced.

Can I just say after just finishing typing those two things I literally just sighed out of relief. I had to say them, and this is the most public format I could think of.

Now, no one likes a complainer, so lets talk about things I really REALLY have been loving recently...

The New York Times seems to still be completely free online. They reported last year that would start subscription based online content starting in January 2011. Well, that is now and I haven't been charged. Yay.

I also really liked Christmas. Here are some pictures... which I am not in, because I suppose its because I was taking them.

Yes, I did his awesome hairstyle.

Those crazy-eyes are too much. I still can't stop laughing.

Too adorable.

P.S. It's January, and you know what that means? I turn thirty this month. Which, I am excited about. Stay tuned.

With the kind of money it cost to make these movies, I could have invaded a small country.

2010-12-09T14:46:00.000-08:00

This would be a confession, but you probably already know... I watch made-for-TV movies, and I do because I love them. The only thing better is a Christmas themed made-for-TV movie. They are entertaining, they are heartwarming. They are so poorly acted they are funny, they are cute and they always tout messages of the Christmas spirit. If you seek after them, you will find them on ABC Family, Lifetime, and Hallmark channels.

Some people look to the classics; A White Christmas, Miracle on 34th, It's A Wonderful Life. And sure, they are good, but I offer you a virtual gift of movies with more. Without further ado, I present: THE MARY MERRY MOVIE MANUAL. Here are my favorites with my synopsis... (in no particular order)

Holiday Switch

The older sister from Charles in Charge, well she is rich and snobby and one day climbs inside her clothes dryer (duh) and comes out on the other side, where she has the life she always wondered about. But is it better or just different? Dun, dun, dun.

Snowglobe

Christina Milian shakes a snow globe, and then finds herself INSIDE IT. OMG. FREAK OUT. When she gets to the winter wonderland everyone is so nice, but fake. Its like the poor mans version of Stepford Wives, with out a plot, set inside a snowglobe, themed around Christmas.

12 Men of Christmas

Maybe the most plot of all. The girl who got famous on Broadway in the original Wicked, she moves from NYC to nowhere Montana to be a PR agent, hired to lure corporations to host their retreats in the town. The reason she left NYC is because her boss and fiance were fooling around at the company Christmas party and she caught them. Gasp. Well, don't worry, in Montana, she meets 13 hot search + rescue men who need money... so naturally, they make a nude calendar and magically everything works out. (What? Don't get mad at me spoiling this for you, it's not like you will watch it, and even if you do, you know how they will all end.)

Christmas Blessing

You know the song "Christmas Shoes" that comes on the radio and all of the sudden it gets a little dusty in the car. Yeah. Neil Patrick Harris is the adult of the child in the song. And if you know the song, you know how good this has to be. It's the sequel to the original movie, based off the song.

So, there you go. The best of the best. I have also watched *many* more this holiday season alone. I can endorse some, but none as much as the ones detailed above. Go ahead, brew some hot choco and have yourself a merry little Christmas movie night.

P.S. I also watch QVC, what's it to you.

Mary McMullen's Gift Guide 2010

2010-11-28T14:26:00.000-08:00

My first ever gift guide! This is stuff for all sorts of people. Hopefully you will find something you want to give, or it will inspire you to give something else great; something useful... or at the very least something really cool.

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Kitchen Odor Remover

Stainless Steel "Soap" is to remove odors from your skin. Its not really soap, its just a bar of steel. With the natural power of oxido-reduction, it removes all traces of onion, garlic, fish, even nicotine and household cleaning products like bleach from the skin. I am not sure how it works, but it does. I have one and can't believe I ever cooked with out one. Get one for you, one for a friend: Soapless Soap ($11)

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Cookie Cutters

I like giving US Capitol Cookie Cutters to friends from DC or who miss living in DC or who are moving away. You can pick them up at Hill's Kitchen shop near Eastern Market. But for friends who have no relation to DC I present, other cool cookie cutters:

To get yourself a Ninja-men, click here: Ninja Bread Men Cookie Cutters ($9)

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Wheeled Duffle Bag

A really nice wheeled weekend travel pack. This thing will set you back a few dollars ($450). But if he has years of traveling ahead of him, think of it as an investment. To buy: Filson Wheeled Large Duffle Bag Or, you can try to find another more affordable option. This one just looks like perfection.

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Reversible Bow Tie

One that looks like it would look good on a 20 year old, or a 90 year old. Give one (but it will be like giving two): Graham Withers Tie Collection ($54)

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Pac-Man Themed Notebooks

For kid of the 80s this is not only practical (who doesn't need a sleek notebook in their pocket or purse to jot things down on. Lists, phone numbers, names, brilliant ideas. This one is not only useful, but nostalgic. And they lie completely flat when opened, and they have an elastic closure, so they are sure to stay shut. They are available at Amazon in different sizes: Amazon Link ($13-20)

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If you make something to give out, make these...

Half baked brownie, peanut butter rice krispies, chocolate topping, melted marshmallows. O-M-G. They are good. So good. Add some cinnamon to the brownie mix for a little holiday warmth. Recipe Link: Click Here [via Brown Eyed Baker Blog] (Approx. $10 cost of making)

If you decide to buy a baked treat. Get these:

They are Levain Bakery Cookies from NYC and they are famous for a reason. To order online, click here: Link to Levain Bakery Online Ordering. ($22 for 4 cookies)

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A Root Beer Sampler

My local (chain) World Market sells about 15 varieties of bottled root beer from around the globe and you can buy them by the bottle, to create your very own sampler pack. You can use this idea for chocolate too. Or real beer. (Aprox. cost $15)

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City Posters

I have the DC poster, and the SF poster. They also sell posters of the following cities: NYC (and all the boroughs separately), Boston, Philadelphia, Seattle, Portland, Great Lakes, Toronto, New Orleans, Minneapolis & Vancouver. So for someone who has lived in any of those places, or does live in those places, or wants to, this is a great gift. AND if you have a doctor friend they also sell The Brain map and The Heart Map. Ork Posters Online ($20-$30 depending on poster, print media & size)

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Paper Tweets

Sure these might be more fun than practical, but from someone who hates twitter, I can't get enough of these, and to give to a friend who is addicted to twitter, might be fun too. Buy here. ($5 for a pad of 50 sheets)

Story Time

2010-11-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

Outside CVS today there were two bums. Mid-60's I would guess.

They looked like this...

Except the woman was wearing a once-ravishing purple coat... so it was more like this...

But she was old. And homeless. And dirty.

And the man was sporting a long, full braided beard. Much like this...

I am going to refer to them here forth as Ozzie & Harriet.

Harriet: Well, I am still married according to the law. The law screws us.

Ozzie: That don't matter to me.

Harriet: It should matter, they really do cause all sorts of problems for us.

Ozzie: No, I meant you being married don't matter to me.

I go inside, they had finished their cigs, so they were right behind me, going to the same section of the store.

Harriet: I like you. I really do. I am going to buy you something. Pick something out.

I then go about my shopping.

In line at the front I hear them behind me. A lot changed in 5 min.

Harriet (stern tone): Give me your money.

Ozzie: I don't have any.

Harriet: Then you are no good to me.

So, really a lot changed in 5 seconds.

They left the store separately.

It was a short, hot, love affair.

It's like riding a bike

2010-10-26T19:15:00.001-07:00

Some musings for you all...

________________________________

I rode a bike for the first time in, oh, like 20 years on Friday (I wish that were an exaggeration). Anyway, Friday was a half day of school, so naturally we had a lot of time on our hands, so this 13 year old kid peer pressured me into it. I almost fell off- multiple times.

Story time: I hate(d) riding a bike. The only reason I really learned is because my Grandmother bribed me, telling me she would buy me a new outfit if I would learn. I rode to the court by my house, crashed into a mail box, and earned those damn turquoise jeans with zipper details and that puff paint tee. It was 1989. Now in 2010 and I would rather walk 10 miles than ride 1 on a bike.

_______________________________

I love pumpkin things. My frenemy Dan made a fantastic pie on Sunday and that really reminded me of my pumpkin love. It also got me thinking about using squash as a dessert. Why do we choose pumpkin? I don't think it is even the best choice. Last summer sour cream ice cream was all the rage in the hip/foodie places and it was good, but you know what would make it better? Some zucchini. Not kidding. Zucchini actually is breaking into the baking world. It started with bread, but it is now in brownies, etc. You know what would even beat out zucchini--- beets. (See what I did there? That was just a little homophone for all you english teachers out there.) It beats me why we don't have more desserts made from delicious sweet plants. (Man, I am on a roll). Seriously folks, add enough sugar and we can take these vegetables/startches to a whole new level. It will be delicious.

____________________________________________

And finally, here is a picture I took of the Flatiron Building while I was in New York. Nevermind that I puked in a public trash bin right after this was snapped. Meh, the picture is great, but I won't ever shake the events surrounding it. Blah.

In Central Park

2010-10-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

I walked into the Lincoln Triangle Barnes & Noble about eight hours late (though, I didn't know it at the time). The sign wasn't big, nor on prominent display, but when I walked in, it was all I could see. It glared right at me; as if somehow I was looking for it. As if it was there to mock just me... "R.L. Stine event at 1pm". I got there at 9pm. Had I known, my day would have gone drastically different. (Note: If you don't know who he is then well, go ahead and stop reading now because you don't deserve this blog).

But don't worry, I still live a charmed life. Take for example this treat in the park...

Walking through the park was pure fall perfection. It was 55 degrees out with puffy white clouds, and a breeze just strong enough to stir the fallen leaves. I was perfectly comfortable wearing a thick sweater and a long sleeve tshirt. I was meandering when I spotted a little disagreement between two attractive lovers. It quickly became clear the model didn't want to jump into the fountain and the photographer had a vision. He won. I grabbed my camera.

My favorite shot by far is the last one. He is happy she did it and she is happy it's over.

Outlook Good

2010-10-12T07:26:00.000-07:00

"Solves all problems"!?!?! How could you deny such a promise? We couldn't. We went to get a reading.

And the place is exactly how you might imagine. Ostentatious, kitschy, and attached to the readers house. The TV was on, there were like 10 cars in the driveway but we knew they weren't customers and we knew there weren't 10 people in the house. There may have been 10 cats; not sure.

We had to go in one at a time. Which was scary slash professional of the Madame. And it was also quite nice because then we could lounge on the astroturf porch.

If you look closely in the next picture, you can peer past the re-assuring religious paraphernalia, and find Kami receiving her future. Excuse me, Dr. Kami.

Now, now. Everyone calm down. She wasn't creepy. She wasn't channeling the devil. She read our palms. She had surprisingly fitting insight. She wasn't over the top.

Oh, and all three of you men who read my blog because you have crushes on me... prepare, because she said I would fall in love and get married in the next 18 months.

As for everyone else: Kami and lots of money will be in either Hotlanta or Seattle soon. Wayne will have a baby, and a baby momma but not a wife. Eeeks. And Matt needs to let go of his double life, dun, dun, dun.

We did it right

2010-09-09T07:51:00.001-07:00

Sunrise in OBX

Have you ever had something, lost it, then got it back? When it was yours again, you treasured it even more... it's like when little and a brother would steal my toy and Dad would swoop in and I'd get my fun back. Last week Hurricane Earl was an immediate threat; roaring off the coast. There was even a time when we started to move on, planning some two-bit barbecue in VA instead, thinking he had take our beach vacation away. Because of the pre-trip-trepidations we were all that much more thankful once there. I have always loved the beach, but this time I loved, loved, loved it! (yes, at least three times more). I partially attribute it to my forced gratitude, but more-so to the cast who filled the weekend. It was a perfect storm of people, weather, and the house.

Drastic measures were taken to get Earl to calm down. Ashley resorted to pillow talk. I relied on old-school bullying. Earl got out of our way quickly, leaving behind crashing warm waves and cleared skies. Phew.

Mary McMullen Living

Days were spent with a revolving schedule of kitchen-beach-pool-snack cabinet-repeat. The elevator and direct beach access made it reeeeaaaaal easy. The nights brought stars from the heavens that were just as eager to be there as we were. Space junk fell freely.

As someone else said, the worst part of the trip was having to go to sleep every night. One particular night I had a dream that someone attempted to wake me from my beach slumber to get me to go night swimming in the bio luminescent waters. Only later did I find out that actually happened. My top regret is that I wasn't lucid enough to recognize reality from dreams at that moment. And if that doesn't smack of a successful beach weekend, I don't know what does.

A special thank you to everyone who planned it and those who lived it with me.

With a floating platter of nachos in the pool and a faint scent of saltwater in the air, I got it.

P.S. I bought a new pillow the day I got back and I am in love with it. It's a quilted alternative down number from Target.

People are Good

2010-08-25T11:37:00.000-07:00

I have all sorts of rants on this blog. I have ranted about animals, twitter, and even the President. Today I will rant about the goodness of humanity. I am in now way showcasing my sarcasm either. People are good. We are born good and we generally stay that way. We sometimes make bad decisions, choose the wrong, or otherwise screw up. As a whole, as a collective body of souls roaming the earth: we are good.

I was home in California recently and my parents and I visited the wonderous land of Costco. We went about our shopping and we got a treat at the food court on the way out. This adventure lasted at least an hour. When then returned home, unpacked our treasures that we never even knew we needed and/or wanted, and then my mom noticed she didn't have her purse. We had trampled all over that store. You have all been in Costco and found something so exciting that you lose your wits. You drop everything and you investigate your find. That purse could be anywhere.

En route back to the store, I called to see if someone had turned it in. They had not. I had all the hope in the world that the purse would be sitting alone in a cart somewhere in the lot. Or sitting on a shelf next to the food processors waiting for my mom to come pick it back up. My parents were less hopeful. They claimed if someone saw it, they would take it, spend all the money and go wild. WHAT? No way. First of all, they would have to be proactive. They would have to find the purse. They would have to take the time to steal it unnoticed. They would have to then purchase things hoping not to get caught. Even more than I think people are good, I think them to be lazy.

Sure enough, the purse was turned into the food court people; everything inside. I bet they didn't even open it to see if there was money in there. They turned it in because had they lost their purse, they would want someone to do the same.

People are living their lives just like you and me. Trying to live a good life. Trying to have fun. Trying to be happy. Being a criminal is not easy. Especially being a criminal who is not caught.

I have met tons of people. Some who have come to Jesus, some who hate religion. All sorts of people with all sorts of different morals. But the bottom line is most have morals. I may not agree with the level of guilt they associate with certain actions. But overall I don't know any thieves. No rapists. No murderers.

I work with all sorts of law-breakers. Even the ones in juvenile hall are good kids. They might fight, they may sell drugs, they may do drugs but they aren't evil. Most people are nice and helpful. And if they aren't, they can quickly get to that point with a little help. People like to feel good.

I am not saying everything is lolipops and roses and we should walk around being gullible and susceptible to being victims of crime. What I am saying is this: generally, people are good.

I don't eat meat

2010-07-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

I needed a snack. Something salty. Something crunchy. I was standing in the basement of my office building and that's when it happened.... I, a pescatarian, purchased BEEF FLAVORED POTATO CHIPS. Specifically "Baby Back Rib" flavor ruffles. Now, that's just gross. I don't love potatoes, I don't even eat meat (just fish, and I know what you are thinking, no, its not meat, we will get to that). Curiosity got the best of me. I had to know what the hell the chips were about. They tasted like bbq flavor, with liquid smoke flavor and maybe a hint of meat? I don't know for certain. It has been more than five years since I have had a rib. I knew the chip contained no meat, but it tasted like what I remember ribs to taste like. I ate the whole bag and didn't regret it.

People oft ask why I don't eat meat. It started as me cutting out red meat to reduce my fat intake. That worked. Then I decided all mammals must go. And now, nothing but fish. Why? Because the thought of digesting flesh of another animal is disgusting to me. I mean, it walks around, like you and me and then it dies and I eat that? It's like eating human, but just one degree less creepy. Grab your arm. Flex. Now think of a cow walking around. Ick. Killing is not the issue. I have no moral objections to killing an animal for my gain. I have a shoe and purse collection that would make you weep of joy. So, why don't I eat meat? It isn't just one thing. Its a lot of reasons. Detailed below are the various leading reasons why.

It's better for the environment.
I've been saying this for years… and now other people are too: cows emit far worse gases then cars do and more. Seriously. According the the WorldWatch Institute: livestock contributes 18% of global greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions, even higher than the GHG emissions from transportation. As part of this figure they produce 37% of methane, which has more than 20 times the global warming potential of carbon dioxide. And if that weren't enough to be concerned about, their manure emits nitrous oxide, 65% of world totals. "A University of Chicago study examined the average American diet and found that all the various energy inputs and livestock emissions involved in its production pump an extra 1.5 tons of CO2 into the air over the course of a year, which would be avoided by a vegetarian diet. Thus, the researchers found, cutting out meat would do more to reduce greenhouse gas emissions than trading in a gas guzzler for a hybrid car." http://www.fao.org/newsroom/en/news/2006/1000448/index.html

Women who eat red meat are twice as likely to develop breast cancer
The risk increased with the amount of red meat consumed, with those who ate more than 1 1/2 servings a day of beef, lamb or pork having nearly double the risk of hormone-receptor-positive breast cancer compared with those who ate three or fewer servings per week. A serving is roughly equivalent to a single hamburger or hot dog. Now before you say "EVERYTHING CAUSES CANCER"... let me just say, most things change your cancer chances by a percent or two. This is 35% higher risk. That is HUGE.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/13/AR2006111300824.html
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/04/070407174018.htm

Health Reasons
I am no picture of health. I make tons of bad choices (rib flavored ruffles anyone?), but this choice is easy for me. So why not make the good choice here?

Spiritual Beliefs

My religion teaches of "Flesh of beasts and of the fowls of the air... are to be used sparingly. And it is pleasing unto me [God] that they should not be used..." I am in now way close to the whole ideal. I strive for it, I fail continually. I have had a hard time with this one. But, one thing I can do, one thing I don't mind doing is following the meat thing. I am sure it would also be pleasing unto Him if I stopped eating so many Doritos and Snickers, but why not do what I can?

What it all boils down to

I can do whatever I want. Oh, and peanut butter is my favorite food.

*a note on fish: they don't use the muscle the same way as we do. they move their vertebrae, and thus, they move. their "meat" is really just an extension of the fish- like milk is to a cow. like a snake - i guess i would be ok eating a snake, but they don't even taste good. (and yes, i know, i tried them before).

How to celebrate your freedoms the right way.

2010-07-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

Prologue

I am spoiled. Sometimes I am also a brat. During a bout of being a spoiled brat I was lamenting on the phone with Momma Jo, telling her that my life was basically over because there was no way I could have a Fourth of July better than the recent previous. Last year, it was Boston and Neil Diamond sang Coming to America- twice! The year before that I was somehow able to get on a boat to watch the show in DC from the Potomac River alongside the memorials... there was no way I could top these things. No matter what I did, it would pale in comparison. My life was over: Spoiled. Brat.

Well, read on readers. And for those fearing that this is just going to be a brag-blog, don't worry, there are descriptions of the most interesting characters. So there's that too.

The Build Up

First of all, watching Top Gun under the stars is always a good idea. Always.

Now, what is even better, is waking up and floating on a tube down a river. Highlights from the River include:

-Not being able to manage a re-mount of the tube. What?

-LB peeing from laughter, and it finally being ok because we were in a river.

-Going to a National Park and asking a man in costume (a civil war solider) if he was a ghost. He wasn't.

-Laughing so hard that one ab hurt the next day

-Pulling over to the side of the road, for no other reason then to really be able to focus on singing "Country Roads" with all my might when John Denver came on the radio.

After you get home from floating a river, going to the capitol building to watch the dress rehearsal for the Capitol Fourth Concert is also a great way to celebrate our freedoms. So we went. David Archuleta sang the National Anthem, Lang Lang tickled the ivories and Reba gave me goosebumps with "Fancy". (Note: I was also able to tweet Archie and invite him to church, from 4slyce's account- don't worry I am still anti-twitter. Anyway, he didn't show but he did read the tweet.)

The Big Day

Zipping into the District was a relative breeze. We were able to roll the windows down and roll alongside a biker who loved us and clearly loved America.

Furthermore, we were fortunate enough to view the fireworks this year from a rooftop terrace that was right next door to the white house. I don't know, magical things just fall into my lap. (Shout out and thank you, Sweet Ash.) Whilst a half-million of my fellow Americans were crowding the mall, I was able to avoid such crowds and watch with an un-obstructed view from the exactly one block due north of where Obamas watched. I will never be the same.

Right after the pyrotechnic show, we sat and enjoyed the view, watched the people, watched the other area firework shows, and chatted. We met a man from Colorado. A client of the firm. He really wanted me to have a drink with him. And, I'm not going to lie, I really wanted to oblige, however Ashley stopped me. Saving my night yet again. (The even better news is that he was like 45 years old, skewing my average age to something a little more respectable.) I digress...

Another advantage to being on a rooftop is that after the whole she-bang was over, we could see the local street traffic pattern as well as the speed of travel on the bridges out of the district. After a spell, we determined it safe to depart. Clear for take off.

Walking into the parking garage I let out one of my finest "bwwoooops" and it was returned! By a chap wearing bright turquoise plaid pants. His girl in a matching sundress. They were holding hands and skipping. I don't know how they managed to find each other in this world we live in, but I am so glad they did. They were a perfect match.

We returned to our home in Arlington, lit some sparklers, whipped up a batch of chocolate chip cookies and thanked the lucky stars for the day.

The Slow Down

How do make the best weekend even bester (wasn't a word until now)... you go to the beach.

I'm quitting the interwebs one day a week. You should too.

2010-06-16T17:35:00.000-07:00

The command decision has been made to not log onto the internet on Wednesday's. I don't know if I can do it. I am not sure I even want to do it. My hope is this will create a personal culture of productivity. I still hold strong doubts.

I am pretty sure I can survive with out one day of the internet. As far as my job goes, I will still use the ever essential Outlook (email & calendar) system. Other then that there is no real reason I am online.

I will miss some emails. I will long for gchat. And I fear the facebook backlash. I can see it now "Oh yes, post this horrifying picture of her, Mary won't log on for 24 more hours"... but really? Should I care. No. You all know what I look like.

So, kids, Wednesdays will be computer free. I chose Wednesdays because that is today and it is not Sunday. I considered doing Sunday, but that is cheating since I barely am online Sunday and I like to write long, unnecessary, rambling emails to friends on Sunday complaining about all of you and my job and detailing the days when I will become some elected leader and will put them into my cabinet.

On Wednesday I will do all sorts of other things. I am already daydreaming about what next week holds. The hobbies I will revive. The starving puppies I will feed. The bills I will pay. The rooms I won't clean. The world I will save.

Join me?

(picture taken in Amish Country. they would prob cringe if they knew I took this with my digital camera and it is live on the world wide web. heh)

What say you?

2010-06-10T19:33:00.000-07:00

(this photo is an accurate depiction of me giving up)

My, my, my. It has been over a month since my last post. Sorry kids, momma has been busy.

The good news is Summer has arrived. Oh sweet Lady Gaga, finally.

Anyway, maybe its the recent discovery of Summerland that has made me totally apathetic. Maybe I have been filtering all my creative genius into other projects. Maybe it is ... who cares. The point is this; I have a little gift for you readers.... read on.

What do you want me to blog about? That's right, you tell me. Suggest something in the comment section. If I want to, I might write about it.

Even if you think I might not know anything about it, or I don't care about it. I continually shock myself with the things I get fired up about and I am equally as shocked about the things I am the authority on. Sometimes someone will bring up a subject that I am newly introduced to, and you know what? That's right, I am all of the sudden an expert on whatever that topic maybe.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

In Defense of Laziness

2010-05-08T13:28:00.000-07:00

Things I should do, but haven't yet:

Learn spanish. Many kids at work think I am fluent because they have spoken in front of me and I will interrupt and/or respond to them in English... and I let them think that so they don't sit around and talk about inappropriate stuff in a foreign language around me. While in high school Mr. Hubbard forced me to learn latin root words (at the time I would pretend squish his wide head between my thumb & pointer finger from the back of class. Since the close of my 10th grade year, I have thanked him silently almost daily- especially days when I play Trivial Pursuit). Point being: there is no reason for me to not apply myself and learn Spanish. When I do end up doing it, it will be pretty easy. But I don't.

Become famous. Yes, probably the most absurd thing you will read all day... but aren't famous people absurd? Anyway, all it would take is two, maybe three weeks of really trying to and I am sure I could be... at least D List famous. But I don't.

And the list goes on and on and on- most other things are pretty boring. And that, readers, is exactly why I don't bother. They are boring. People do things all the time for the sake of productivity. To be doing something. Don't get me wrong; I do all sorts of stuff that other people deem to be time-wasting (like blogging). I don't have excuses for why I don't do certain things; why I don't learn spanish, why my room isn't clean, why I haven't fixed my car wheel well yet. But I can most certainly defend every single thing I do end up spending my time on. Turns out, I get along more than fine with out the espanol, my room might not ever be clean, and my car may stay duct-taped together for a few more months. If I ever get bored enough to fix that stuff, I will... in the mean time I will be doing other stuff. There is value in all things if you recognize and are grateful for those things. There is even value in lounging about. Value in thinking, creating, breathing. We have been given a gift- of eternity.

The thought of anti-productivity makes many people cringe. But, it is the very thing that makes America so successful. Getting the most out of the least. So this week, go ahead and calm down.

Urban Cowboy, Intended Target, Rains that Never Fell, & Butterflies that Landed

2010-05-03T10:04:00.000-07:00

Urban Cowboy

Cars attempting to cross the Queens-borough Bridge is typically chaotic. The bridge had been shut down for a bike race and Times Square had been closed to traffic the entire night before. This morning it was a particular mess.

Yellow cabbies were honking a symphony. A few local brave-heart drivers were weaving in and out. Traffic was moving, and there was a slight lag in one lane. Curiously, about three car lengths had been left by a cab driver in that lane. Windows down, he stepped on the gas and lunged forward, arm waved out the window and the man let out a "Yeee-Haw" like I had never heard before.

Intended Target

I was in Times Square on Saturday night. No one else was.

Rains that Never Fell

Chatting with a Slovenian artist in Central Park, I simply asked: "How long will you be in the park today?", she responds "Till the rains fall" -- the rains never fell that night.

Butterflies that Landed

There was a butterfly that we noticed on the Top of the Rock - 68 floors in the sky. The following day, I was basking in the park when a butterfly fluttered by, and landed atop my head. He stayed and visited a while. I think it

was the same little guy. He never said what he wanted.

Mary McMullen's Guide to New York City

2010-04-26T17:18:00.000-07:00

Growing up in the suburbs of Northern California, "The City" meant San Francisco. Now it means New York City. Though it is 288 miles away from DC (where I live now), it is The City in my own mind. Some might say the New City. Get it? Anyway, in my time spent in The City I have gathered a collection of places worthy of visiting. Some are really really great, others are better than average and all will leave you wanting more.

And don't worry, my next post is going to be "New York City's Guide to Mary McMullen" as I am going this weekend. Hopefully that means I will update this list soon.

Here it is:

General Basic Overview

Frommers gives you a concise guide of what to do, how to orient yourself, blah blah blah. For a first time visitor it is quite useful and includes some good links and phone numbers.

THINGS AND STUFF TO DO

Bike Rental

$20 for 4 hours of bike rental. Great way to tour the city. You can google various self guided bike "tours" and trails (like the Hudson River). Turns out I don't (know how to) ride bikes... but, it seems magical and fast.

Central Park Summer Stage

Various cultural shows/concerts- free and in central park, one of my top five favorite places in the world, duh.

Staten Island Ferry

Lower Manhattan

Free. Just take the subway down to the Whitehall stop... the ferry takes about a half hour each way... but is a great view of the statue of liberty and of the skyline. People often just take it for the ride, and then you must disembark, but there is nothing to see on Staten island, so just turn around and go back to the city. Once in lower Manhattan you can tool around Battery Park and/or Wall Street if you want.

St. Patricks Cathedral

My second favorite Cathedral in the City, first being St. Johns . Sunday Mass is interesting & don't worry they are used to (read: rely on) tourists stopping in just to look is acceptable.

St. John Devine

Old. Neat.

TKTS Day-of Discount Broadway Shows (Times Square)

You stand in line, and they release non-sold out show tickets for half price.

Top of the Rock (Observation Deck)

Like the top of the empire state, but has a better view AND no lines. You get tickets in advance, or the day of and they are time stamped. This also means they limit the number of people so it is far less crowded. $21 for adults.

The Met

East side of Central Park. I like this place because of the variety. They also ask for a suggested donation of $18, but if I am not going to really delve in, I only pay partial.

The Natural History Museum

$15- worth it... but the Natural History in DC is by far my favorite... so I am biased.

The Guggenheim

Modern Art housed in a building that is more more interesting then the MoMA, but the MoMA has a way way better store.

PLACES TO EAT

Banh Mi Saigon

Vietnamese Sandwiches sold in the back of a jewelry store. Must get it to go. I suggest the spicy chicken, it's hot. $4 and a little adventure. 138 Mott St (between Grand St & Hester St, Little Italy/Chinatown/Asian Jewelry District)

Becco Italian

Home made pastas, they offer a great all you can eat family style meal. Reservations recommended. Theater District/Hell's Kitchen.

DhaBa (Indian)

They offer a lunch buffet that it fresh and tasty and perfectly spiced. 108 Lexington Ave (between 27th St & 28th St, Flatiron)

The Dumpling Man

I call these "pot stickers". I also call these "tasty". Technically they are also called "Dim Sum" or an appetizer, but order enough and make a meal out of it. 100 Saint Marks Place (The East Village)

The Garage

American- Often has live jazz, always has good food in a cool space. 99 7th Ave S (between S 7 Ave & Barrow St, The West Village)

Best Gelato Italian Ice Cream Ever

Best in America.. literally, it was voted on... and I have pretty much tried them all anyway and agree. Once I was at a fancy Italian restaurant and paid like $15 for a TINY scoop of gelato. I was very impressed and asked them who their supplier was. I chucked when they said "Laboratorio Del Gelato". Don't worry their storefront isn't that pricy. 35 Orchard Street Lower East Side (walkable from Little Italy, but not in Little Italy)

Halal Street Cart

Get the chicken platter- add white sauce. the hot sauce is FIERCE, just fyi. 53rd & 6th at the Ave. of Americas

Haru Sushi & Japanese

Excellent Sushi... and reminder, I am from SF bay area, so I would know. 205 West 43rd Street, Times Square

La Bonne Soupe

French- casual- no reservations needed for lunch- I have only gone there for brunch, get the quiche- I love it and I hate eggs. 48 W. 55th MidTown East (near 5th Ave)

Magnolia Bakery

Seriously, get the banana pudding. Do not waste your time with the cupcakes. Soho & Midtown locations.

Sarahbeths

American Cafe- prob my favorite brunch spot of all time. My faves: Lemon Ricotta Pancakes or the Goldi Locks omelet. Various locations

Peanut Butter & Co

P'butter is my favorite food & I am recommending this place, so there you go. 240 Sullivan Street, Greenwhich

Pomodoro Ristirante Pizza

Creamy, perfect pomodoro tomato sauced pizza. 51 Spring St, Nolita

And if you ever find yourself in Brooklyn, I am truly sorry, but will offer up two small glimmers of hope:

Ana Maria's (Brooklyn Pizza)

Pizza by the slice. No frills establishment. 179 Bedford Avenue in BROOKLYN, Williamsburg

Baked (bakery)

Get thee a p'butter candied rice krispy treat. Thank me later. 359 Van Brunt Street in BROOKLYN, Red Hook

Hotels:

Moderate priced accommodations with good locations and most of all, they are CLEAN.

The Pod (European Style, meaning bathrooms/showers are single people, lockable, one person at a time, but they are shared among four or five rooms)

230 E 51st St

New York, NY 10022

(212) 355-0300

The Paramount NYC (note: beds are low, like, on the floor)

235 West 46 Street

New York, NY 10036

(212) 764-5500

Just Beiber & The Olive Garden

2010-04-09T14:33:00.000-07:00

Justin Bieber's on the cover of People Magazine this week with the caption "World's Biggest Pop Star"; when I read that I immediately thought "worlds best publicist". I too run around declaring all sorts of grandiose things about myself, and let me tell you... I can make a cupcake that rivals Georgetown. I shock myself regularly with how good I am at my job. And the list goes on and on and on. But that doesn't make any of them true (they are though). The point is people buy it, usually just because they want to.

This doesn't mean I don't have Bieber Fever. I do. Let me tell you why. And, go ahead, allow yourselves to love that kid (because you do anyway).

It seems everyone has Bieber Fever. As they should. He has all the ingredients of a greatness: just your average kid who happens to be talented and beautiful with a charming personality and discovered on youtube with the exact look that is bottled up and sold to the masses of middle class american teens with disposable income.

I love him for the same reason I love the Olive Garden. Please, don't pretend you don't love the Olive Garden. The reason that restaurant is so popular is because people go there. Is the Olive Garden the best restaurant in America? (Nope, Per Se is). Is Justin Bieber the worlds biggest Pop Star? (Nope, Michael Jackson still is- and for arguments sake, Lady Gaga is at the top of the Billbard Pop charts, not Justin).

The Olive Garden has over 700 restaurants in the US, including some of the most sought after retail locations. They are not this big or popular because they sell gross food no one wants. They got where they are because they offer food people buy. People buy it, not because it is the best, but it is exactly what they want and a lot of it.

Justin Bieber is not the best singer. My favorite music video of his is the one he is singing to another teenage girl, something about having "one less lonely girl tonight" in the world. She is at a laundry mat, going about doing adult like errands, as if she is some 35-year-old-single-cat-lady. It's just absurd. It's also calming the fear of every woman in the world. It's also catchy.

Here you go:

Ha, ha. Yeah "How many start overs and shoulders have you cried on?" he asks her. Let me tell you, probably one, right after that embarrassing breakup on the playground during recess last year in 6th grade. Other than that, she is fine.

Anyway, I still love it. It's not only greatness, but it is a lot of greatness. Over the top and in a large dosage. Justin is exactly what we ~~need~~ want.

BIEBER FEVER Fever fever!

Nom Nom Nom

2010-03-16T22:26:00.001-07:00

This one is for my NYC friends (or those going in the next few months)... If you are in search of some Girl Scout Cookies, but haven't found a girl scout, you can show up at the NYCGS council office and they will sell them to you directly. For the suckers in DC, they claim they will be at the Giant on S. Glebe every weekend till they sell out.

Original info found here.

This year's Cookie Cupboard will run from Tuesday, March 16th through Thursday, May 6th. As in years past, each of the five boroughs has their own cupboard. Here are the dates and times for each--note, as of today the Bronx council hasn't settled on their location and times.

Manhattan Office Cupboard
Girl Scout Council of Greater
New York
43 West 23rd Street 6th Floor
New York, NY 10010

Hours:
Tuesdays: 12:30pm-4:30pm
Wednesdays: 2:30pm-6:30pm
Thursdays: 12:30pm-4:30pm

Brooklyn Office Cupboard
St. George Episcopal Church
CDC Building
452 Gates Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11216

Hours:
Tuesdays: 3:30pm-7:30pm
Wednesdays: 3:30pm-7:30pm
Thursdays: 3:30pm-7:30pm

Queens Office Cupboard
Holy Trinity Evangelical
Lutheran Church
246-55 87th Avenue
Bellerose, NY 11426
(entrance on 86th Rd. at
Commonwealth at rear of
building)

Hours:
Mondays: 10:00am-2:00pm
Tuesdays: 2:30pm-8:00pm
Thursdays: 2:30pm-8:00pm

Staten Island Office Cupboard
613 Midland Avenue
Staten Island, NY 10306

Hours:
Tuesdays: 10:00am-7:00pm
Wednesdays: 12:00pm-4:00pm
Thursdays: 10:00am-2:00pm

No appointment is neccessary, you can buy just one box or several cases. If you are planning on a larger order (think a couple cases or more) it is best to phone in advance.

National Parks: America's Best Idea

2010-02-23T18:11:00.000-08:00

We (the global society) need to pull ourselves together and get over somethings. Namely, two things: the Gold & the Cold.

As I sat watching a man screaming in a commercial about cash for gold (or more often seen in print as, "Ca$h 4 Gold") my mind started to think there must be some more advanced system for value and currency. I mean, gold, you dig it up and find it in the ground. It's just there. This is crazy/stupid. And, yes, I understand the market and how it has evolved into where it is now. I get the gold standard and silver backing, or at least the reasoning behind it. But, we as a society should be beyond this. We can do better. Doesn't everyone agree that gold (or any thing for that matter) doesn't actually, intrinsically hold value. It is just what we place on it.

Anyway, if gold is valuable to you and you want to sell it, go ahead, but the notion of gold as a reserve today is ridiculous. Again, let me remind you- with gold (and diamonds for that matter): YOU FIND IT IN THE GROUND. IT IS JUST THERE. And it is not, in any real way, useful. To base our currency around this stuff is just silly. We need to move past it all. We are getting there, but we are not completely torn away from the gold standard and the exchange.

Along the same lines, another thing I can't get over, is why we live where we do. This is the royal "we". Basically, why are our world hubs in places like NYC/St. Petersburg/London/Tokyo/Cold/Frozen Tundra'd/Polluted/Dirty/Falling Down Cities? Back whenever, big cities were near ports. It was necessary for trade and made sense. But now, we are mobile and we can go wherever we like. I can not understand why we all don't live in lush lands of milk & honey with perfect weather. We live where the jobs are, but the jobs are where we live. So much of livelihood is based around services for one another. It might take, at most, two generations, but we need to start settling places that are a little more desirable. Tropical paradises.

(And yes, I get places don't start out looking dire and that our societies are responsible for the [insert whatever the physical problem is here], as we raped the land. But, can't we all agree that it is time to throw the towel in and jump ship. Thanks Beijing, you were great while you lasted, but now you are grimy, gross, riddled with infrastructure problems and the pollution is unbearable, so peace out. )

A visual argument:

Here are places where we should all be living...

Compare all that, to where we all live now:

(if you can't tell, they are cleaning the city grit off the side of that building)

Collectively, as a society, we can do better.

Not only have I the complaint; I have the solutions. Or actually, the singular solution to both the gold and the location problems.

America needs to start invading, moving in & taking over again. What places you may ask? Well, those with great natural resources. And beautiful, desirable locales. Because although gold holds no real value, oil does. So does fresh drinkable water. The way I figure is if we control all the places where everyone lives, we will also control the money. The money we set and the money we decide is in no way tied to useless shiny things you find in the stream.

And before all you environmentalist start freaking out (I am talking to you mom). Realize that America had one great idea once: National Parks. And when we take over all these new perfect places, and settle them, we can continue and expand our National Park System. For proof, please, again, see a visual argument:

Because, we can do better (obviously) & we should be doing better.

In Search of Summer

2010-02-16T18:29:00.001-08:00

Dear, sweet, sometimes-intolerable, lovable, adorable, perfectly flawed, amazingly jaded, exemplary season, Summer,

Please, I beg of you, return. Forever.

XOXO,
Mary

Say It Ain't Snow

2010-02-09T12:58:00.001-08:00

This snow storm is the devil in sheep's clothing. Hear me out:

1.) The rest of America will soon begin to wonder if they even need the feds. The federal government has basically stopped. I expect fights to break out soon regarding if this is costing us or if it is saving us (fiscally, and politically).

2. ) IT'S A TRICK. Just like everyone else, I was excited about these Snow Days. Unscheduled leave. Days at home by roaring fires. BUT WE GOT IT ALL WRONG. Today I had to sign in to remote access and do a touch of work... and it hit me: oh my, I am going to have to deal with all this everything when I get back... I will have to work double as hard for double as long to catch up. What a nightmare. This is going to bite us all in the ass.

3.) Where is all this snow going to go? It was pretty for about an hour. And now its melting. It is dirty. It is going to flood things. It's a mess.

The moral of the story: Fun while it is happening, but then nine months later you have a big problem on your hands. Stay safe out there DC.

Aggie Pride.

2010-02-05T23:09:00.000-08:00

If you haven't gotten the memo, DC is facing the storm of the century. Today the first flake of snow fell and so did my spirits*.

The good news is I went to college in a little place called Logan, Utah. Naturally, I wore my Utah State sweatshirt just so when people saw me they knew; no snow stopping this one.

*I absolutely hate the snow. It's fine for approximately 3 days with the following conditions:

I am in some ski chalet.

I don't have to ski.

It's all white and winter wonderland like.

I can leave.

All roads are clear.

It doesn't stick to the drive ways, walk ways, sidewalks, stairs leading up to houses, or anyplace my feet will tread.

There is a roaring fire in whatever room I happen to be in while the snow stays outside.

If above conditions are not met, I don't want anything to do with that stuff.

State of the Speech

2010-01-27T18:19:00.000-08:00

Live blogging.

My friend Peter gave me this idea at the Golden Globes; to type about an event live as it is happening. So here it goes. (And you know, this probably won't be pretty).

The State of the Union 2010, and my thoughts as it happens:

"the bailout... i hated it. you hated it. it was as popular as a root canal... i didn't pledge what to do what was most popular, but what was necessary"- President Obama UM, what?! yes you did. you are the ultimate representative for the people.

***

"we cut taxes". thanks.

***

"i am calling for a new jobs bill tonight"--- why because your health care failed and you need something the push through?

***

He is now talking about jobs... OK, here is the thing. This isn't the state of the nation... this is him using the only thing he has going for him: public speaking. He is just using this platform to push his popularity up.

Why is he comparing us to China and India? We dont want to be either of them. No. Thank. You.

***

THIS WHOLE THING IS ONE BIG CONTRADICTION... we are in dire times where in the past our country has stood out. wait, everything is fine & we are out of the recession and in recovery. we need to be more cutting edge. wait, everything is fine & we are number one with innovation. we have no money. wait, we need to spend money on clean energy.

***

And why is Michelle in purple. Acceptable colors of the royal family of England: Purple. Acceptable colors for leaders of the Free World (America): Red, White, Blue. Same goes to you Nancy Pelosi. Speaking of Nance, last year she had the same thing in her mouth. Is it a cough drop? A lifesaver? What is that lady sucking on?

***

Ok, now he is giving away money... college kids, homeowners, retirees, everyone: FREE MONEY! Where is this coming from? He has no idea.

Oh, he just snuck in health reform. It went like this if you missed it: AMERICAN WON THE LOTTO. FREE MONEY FOR EVERYONE!!!! (we need health reform) ~ Immediate Subject Change ~ Cute moment with Michelle.

John McCain is wearing the same tie as Obama. Lolwut?

***

"Starting in 2011 we are prepared to freeze government spending." What? I can tell you, NO WE ARE NOT PREPARED. Dang, he pulled the veto card out. In our faces. I don't think this is a bad plan. Actually, it isn't bad at all. I like it. But it is just not feasible. Not realistic. Especially if he is giving out money like promised 10 min ago.

***

Gays in the military... camera pans to uniformed men. Not clapping. What's wrong with that? I don't see a problem.

***

Speaking of good values. "These aren't Republican Values... these are American Values". Same thing. He even said it.

***

Ok, afterthoughts: I am still in love with his speech writer. And he can deliver a damn fine speech. Always has, and always will. The same problem though remains: I don't agree with the content of his speeches.

And, lets talk about what he didn't talk about: WE ARE AT WAR. What of it?

As far as State of the Union speeches go, this one is a bit lacking. He didn't really report on what has been done this past year... oh, wait, you know why? Nothing has been done. There is nothing to report on. Bush may have stumbled through this annual speech... but he at least gave us some facts. Some numbers. Some concrete information. Tonight I was given one thing: a nice speech about tomorrow. Someone give this man a Nobel Peace Prize for what he is talking about he is about to do.

***

So there is it. My reactions, live, as it happened. I am now going to watch the experts reactions.

Not on My Watch

2010-01-25T20:17:00.000-08:00

Sitting in my living room I hear a scuffle outside, look out the window to find middle-aged men fist fighting on my front lawn. They picked the wrong front yard.

I walk outside. Give them a disapproving look.

They leave. Peace.

10 minuets later local police have collected them and gotten them all back together to pow-wow about what happened... they begin shouting.

I walk back out side, as they are all loudly discussing their dispute in the street in font of my house with the cop. (10:55pm) I say in a condescending motherly tone, "Gentlemen!". They quiet down and I walk back inside.

*Note: I didn't notice the cop was there until after I hushed them, but still, he had to go find these dudes and when he did, what did he expect? For them to rationally talk about their feelings? He too was at fault. He deserved the "gentlemen" just as much as they did.

In conclusion lets review:

What I did:

-I successfully got them to stop fighting

-I successfully got them to leave

-I successfully shut them up

What the police did:

-they got angry, possibly drunken men who clearly want to fight each other, back together

-they got them yelling

P.S. Don't worry Mom, I was more annoyed then I was in any sort of danger.

Poop 2009: Over

2010-01-20T20:50:00.001-08:00

As a true narcissist, the new year doesn't really start on Jan. 1st... it starts on my Birthday. Which, luckily, is in the traditional calendar's first month anyway. Convenient.

This year we received many great gifts for my birthday:

Gift #1 given to me lovingly by Mother Nature:

Blue skies with a heat wave. It was in the 50s, climbing nearly 20 degrees overnight just for me.

Gift #2 given to me by Uncle Sam along with the voters (mostly the non-voters) of Massachusetts:

a Scott Brown victory.

With those two gifts, I give you a gift- a collection of blurbs that capture my thoughts, feelings, and prognosis of the year 2009 that we just put behind us.

(In no particular order)

Poop 2009: Foreshadowing

I should have known on January 1st 2009 what the year would hold. An impromptu trip to NYC last year really ended up being a preemptive strike. On a whim that day, we decided that city needed us.

Whilst walking around the crowded car-lined streets, we spotted it. This:

As you can see, someone had scrolled "Poop 2009" in the dirty windshield of the unsuspecting car. It was true. And now its over!

Obama-nation

Still undecided whose fall from grace was harder last year: mine or his. I am in recovery, just like the economy... jury is still out on him. And if Virginia, New Jersey and Mass are any indication, well, dot dot dot.

Exploring Middle Earth

I've never seen Lord of the Rings (tried once the summer of 2002 and fell asleep), but I have seen inside caves of Ireland & lava tubes of Hawaii and they were the two coolest spots ever. Ever.

Dead (Wo)Man Walking

Many famous celebrities passed on during 2009. Most notably, it is who didn't die this year that is most shocking to me: Lindsay Lohan. How is she still alive?!

The Recession

What recession?

Thanksgiving Fun Run & Callestentic Session

It should come as no surprise that I am not one who would choose exercise as a favorite moment of the year. However, after feasting on our Southern Traditions Thanksgiving meal, we were in dire need of moment. We took to the streets for an impromptu fun-run. It was simple; we would walk off, run off, power waddle, jump our jacks, and skip our way around the streets in our hood in order to feel like we were not going to die after over stuffing ourselves. It worked. Stay tuned for an even more exciting fun run right around the corner (see what i did there? around the corner, get it?).

Marriage 2010

What is there to look forward to this year: Marriage. Come on, if for nothing else, the guilt-free sex.

in the yellow

2009-12-19T20:40:00.000-08:00

I can not post any pictures of the awful, no-good, snow storm that has walloped the DC metro area, because, I am not there. (Suckers).

I retreated to California on Wednesday (the 16th) right before the first of the snow fell (an apparently it has not stopped yet). Thus, solidifying my outrageous claims that I have this unreasonable deal with Mother Nature. I can't go into details.

I do have this sad, sad picture though:

As you can see, it details the weather across the US on the 19th of December, around noon. I am in the yellow :)

They were alone and they were ashamed...

2009-12-14T21:39:00.000-08:00

Often, I venture to the movies alone. I liberated myself a few years ago, and have gone solo to movie theaters on a regular basis ever since. My favorite place to watch movies is a little theater in Shirlington. There's no real good reason I love that place so much. It doesn't have stadium seating, the theaters are small, and the screens are low, it's pretty old, and the audiences are sparse. But hey, I do like to put my feet on the backs of the seats in front of me, and usually the audience consists only of a few housewives, a few elderly couples, and me. [Insert here predicted comments about a.) how I can't wait to be a housewife or 1/2 of an elderly couple and b.) how I don't have a "real job" and thus go to the movies in the middle of the day]

Friday, I had some time in the late afternoon and decided to go astray to a theater I never go to. It's inside a mall; I thought shopping and perhaps I would take in a matinee.

There should be no question what I wanted to see: Disney's new animated film "The Princess and the Frog". I thirsted for the feel good, high moral, musical cartoon.

At 1:22pm on Friday afternoon I walked into the theater and found a different scene then which I am accustomed: there were a bunch of moms and kids and then, the best shock of all.. peppered through out the seats were fellow solo movie-goers, but they were men! Now, mind you, this theater/mall is situated among various government agencies and many large, national, non-profit organizations. At least three of the men were still in suits. One of them was wearing some pretty thuggish street clothes and had a pierced ear or at least he should have. But mostly, they were middle aged business men sneaking out in the middle of their lunch breaks to watch "The Princess & the Frog". They were alone and they were ashamed.

I couldn't get over it. I mean, sure, it makes sense- when else would they be able to go watch that movie? Like any self-respecting straight man with out kids, they were forced to sneak around to watch the new Disney movie. How would they ever explain this to their girlfriends? What would their dude friends say? Really, there is no other way for them. This was their only opportunity.

But, their secret is not so secret anymore: I know, and now you know. The thing is: it's OK. As a matter of fact, I am proud of them... both for going and for keeping it a secret.

Time Change

2009-10-26T20:23:00.000-07:00

I have many things to report on... but this conversation happened today, and I needed to get it out there; to shout it aloud, to inspire the world to feel with me. Maybe change the Presidents mind about this whole... ordeal.

[This chat has been modified from its original version. It has been formatted to fit this screen and edited for content]

Friend: We get an extra hour...or recapture the one stolen from us this spring

me: Yay! i take back the f bomb

X: its all yours

me: so now at six it will be five?

no!

it gets darker earlier

F again

and they shouldn't have waited so long to do this

i don't like that they pushed it to Nov

X: yes but it will be lighter when we get up.

me: not for me, the noon sun is pretty much the same no matter what time of year.

As you can read, I am maybe one of the least effected people out there... but this time change business is still alarming to me. Not because it messes with my light, but because it speaks to something greater: we (and by "we" I am referring to not only man kind, but in particular myself and NASA) haven't figured out the true calendar yet.

Ok, here is the deal: a calendar measures time and the laps of time dependent on the moon, stars, space, God, etc. Back in the day everyone thought they could figure out the calendar. The Aztecs started it and the Jews pretty much finished it. At some point everyone just threw in the towel and agreed that we were just close enough.

We add a day every four years, we have an extra day every other month, except for July & August when we have two consecutive months of 31, we mess with the time twice a year so it all evens out (though I realize that step it just a luxury of light and harvest, in a perfect world the time would fix it on its own.)

Also, there must be some tie in with global warming. I am not sure how, but it is in there somewhere. Right? It has to be. It gets hotter at noon, in the summer. It must get hotter during some grand calendar cycle.

Ok, anyway, if we can figure out how to get to the moon, we should be able to figure out how the tides roll in and how to have a perfect calendar.

Bush & Bono should be BFF's

2009-09-30T21:58:00.000-07:00

Bono is first and foremost a rock star. He parades around on stage and people pay good money for it. He also parades around as a humanitarian and people buy it.

I got irritated all over again at the gross mis-use of human resources at the U2 concert last night... naturally that made me think of the Bush Administration. I will get to Bush in a moment, first allow me to slander the U2 concert.

The production itself cost a reported $40 million and takes the crew three days to break down, transport, and set up again. Tickets to the show are anywhere from $50 to $250 a ticket. The stadium I went to holds about 90,000 people. That means in just three shows the production costs are taken care of. There are 45 stops scheduled with a possible third leg being added. Millions of dollars. Hundreds of thousands of staff hours and even more time sacrificed by concert go-ers.

45 times they will pack stadiums across Europe & North America. Stadiums full of talented, blessed people from the richest countries in the world. 45 times people will choose to give their time to watching a man sing. 45 times Bono will shove his political and social agenda to crowds of people. I am sure his intentions are pure; he thinks that he is sharing a message. I am also certain much more could be done.

I could not help but to think of what we could have been doing instead with our time, talents and money. Now, I'm a firm advocate for leisure. I don't think there is anything wrong with going to a concert. But collectively, there might be. Especially when a man is such a fake propionate of change in Africa. He was playing to his audience. The same people who are the lawmakers of the free Nation. The show was very focused on saving Africa. Choose one or the other; a gluttonous music love fest or a humanitarian political rally. Hell, why doesn't he combine the two with an ACTUAL effort made (instead of just talking about it) and then give the people a concert as a thank you.

At one (shameful) moment Bono asked the crowd to "send love and good energy" to a political prisoner Aung San Suu Kyi in Burma (who by the way, spent her entire Nobel Peace prize money directly on setting up a a trust in her country). So, Bono doesn't even have the guts to use the word "prayer". Come on, we are all Christian and you are toting free speech and you're too afraid to ask your American audience to pray... no, no, that is too much to ask... can we please just send some vibes to her? Ack.

Bono did thank one person, who has actually changed Africa. George W. Bush is a lot of things. A hero to Africa is just one.

President Bush's Emergency Plan for Aids Relief (Pepfar) was initiated in 2003. At the time just 50,000 Africans were on anti-retroviral drugs. By 2007, 1.3 million Africans were on medication, much of it paid for by the Bush administration.

His administration pumped $18bn into fighting HIV/Aids, much of it in Africa

He backed cancelling $34bn worth of debt for 27 African states

He launched initiative that has halved Malaria in 15 African countries

He led the condemnation of Sudan's record in Darfur as genocide

He pressed for north-south peace deal in Sudan

He backed Ethiopia's invasion of Somalia to battle Islamists.

{Stats Found here.}

Bush fought war after war in Africa... and won many of the battles. It wasn't a modern war like the one waged in Iraq. It was a calm rebellion. It was a war fought with change and money. Bush has saved millions of lives in Africa. Bono has helped... a little bit.

Two-Fer

2009-09-28T15:45:00.000-07:00

I am going to share with you two useful tools that you can use throughout your life... or at least for the next six months to five years.

The first is something my friends and I developed. The second is something Google developed. One may argue that though google has a sophisticated and universal tool, my tool is way more useful.

My Tool #1: Personalized Buyer Guide

This blog rarely goes too personal, but I liked this concept enough to share it with you.

When you make a big purchase it usually comes with an owners manual or a buyers guide. Something that helps you get the most out of your investment. People should be no different. During a road trip, while forced to spend unacceptable amounts of time together, some friends and I developed a concept: a "Dating Buyers Guide".

I urge you to discover the things about yourself, and go ahead and share them with people. Create a personalized manual on how to manage being with you successfully. Who wouldn't find something like this useful? There a couple people right now who I would love to know how to deal with.

Here is the start of mine, basically some pointers on how to deal with me.

1. Be bold.

2. Must be able to draw out and facilitate my tender side.

3. Be a tad dependent upon me.

4. Don't be afraid to put me in my place (when necessary).

5. One of the most effective way to show your love for me is through gifts.

If you know me, feel free to add to my list - insight is always helpful.

Googles Tool #2: Google Reader

My love for google reader is far reaching. Google Reader is only going to work if you have gmail. So, for those with out gmail, stop reading and feel sorry for yourself.

When I was a kid my grandma subscribed to Readers Digest. I would read it. I mean, what a great concept; someone else would scour all these print publications and pick the best articles and then you got to read the best of the best. Now imagine that, only personalized and modernized, and the people are reading through the internet for you, and they are your friends who know you best. Sounds great right? It is.

Let me break it down: You find stuff online and you share it with your friends on google reader. They read stuff online and share it with you on Google Reader. You also can get news feeds specific to your interests posted regularly with out having to check various media web sites. Another bonus, you can add blogs to your reader and every time there is a new post, it shows up in your reader.

So, I log on each day to find various blog posts, new stories, interesting articles, and silly sports stats shared with me by my fellow google reader friends, all in one spot.

____

There you are, two shiny new virtual gifts that will make your life better if you choose to use them. Enjoy!

I Still Love You. Love, New York.

2009-09-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

Zipping across this island of Manhattan in a two seat convertible, three of us enjoyed a quick jaunt into Brooklyn. (That's right three of us. A tight fit; totally fine.) I wanted to check out what that borough had to offer. It was a pleasant day in Brooklyn. The sun was shining. The air was mellow.

As we left behind all that wasn't what I had hoped Brooklyn to be, we found ourselves on the expressway back to Manna-hata. The sun had dipped below the famous skyline and the sky was a powerful orange.

Note: It turns out that NY as a whole doesn't love me... just Manhattan.

And I am ok with that. It is discretionary. It is a more narrow, deep love.

Oh No!

2009-09-09T16:00:00.000-07:00

7:02 PM on September 9th, 2009.... I just realized my pants are on backwards & they have been since I dressed my 28 year old self this morning, approximately 10 hours ago.

(It's important for the readers to know I am not perfect)

P.S. Four minutes later... I haven't turned them around yet. (Don't know if I will). Haha.

Hey Champer-Gamper

2009-08-31T20:31:00.000-07:00

Cats... where do I start? Lets start with: I hate them.

{Also, we need to make sure that we are on the same page. When I say "cat" I am referring to a cat bread of the genus Felis, species Felis Catus; otherwise known as a typical domesticated house cat. A cat from the genus Panthera, or a jungle Lion ... they are hard core, they are totally different. Ever since Mufasa taught my little brother how to be a man, I have nothing but respect for Lions.}

Back to cats; I am sure they provide comfort and love to certain people. Those are not my people. As much as I love cats, I love cat ladies more.

Sometimes, because God knows how much I hate cats he offers me a peace offering. Something that says, "Mary, because you must endure those things roaming the earth along side of you, I will give you this, a special gift that almost, almost makes up for it"

Here it is:

I really lost it around 2:25

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnZhi5gaX8g

Leaves Fall

2009-08-18T17:34:00.000-07:00

The leaves fall, the fruits are harvested. Ah, I can't wait for Fall to arrive.

Now, Summer is full of things I enjoy: pool days, sunshine, lemonade, relaxed attitudes, baseball, and American pride. But that season has run its course and as the summer sun grows dim, I can't help but to get anxious for Fall. I am anticipating it daily; to feel a storm brewing, to see the leaves turn, to take a deep breath of the crisp air, to smell the pumpkin. I had an affair with Summer, but I am married to the Fall. I can't wait for it's return. I miss it.

Last year I came up with this little comparison to illustrate my love for the season, a refresher:

I like Fall as much as I like the color red... and that is a lot. Here is a list of colors I like, and the order in which I like them:

1. Red

2. (intentionally left blank)

4...

109. Black

110. Purple

111.

112...

209. All other

colors- they all tie for two-hundred and ninth place.

The point is I like red that much more then all the others. Same with Fall.

I am also much easier in the fall. That's right, you heard me, easy. No, not that kind of easy... it's just that the fall evokes a sense of adventure and contentment in me that can't be found any other time of the year. It is easier to get me out, to try new things, to be complacent.

So, to Summer: I bid you farewell, at some point in the near future when the snow falls I will miss you madly, but in the meantime... to Fall: welcome, I have been waiting.

That Mountain

2009-08-09T13:49:00.000-07:00

So there we were, in the Shenandoah National Park prepared to camp. Though, all campgrounds within 50 miles in the park were full. There was one problem and many solutions. We could attempt to find a private campground (RV Park anyone?). We could cook our dinner at a day-use picnic ground and then go to a local hotel. We could camp anywhere along the famous Appalachian Train which we were not far from. All solutions viable. We chose none of these options. We chose to take the road less travelled; literally.

There were a few key conversations that led us into the night and to where we ultimately would end up...

Me: Where along the the Appalachian Trail would you suggest to camp?

Park Ranger: There are many venomous snakes in this area. I wouldn't suggest you to camp along the trail here.

Tyler: Any open spots?

Jellystone Park Attendant: No.

And finally the clinchers. The deal sealers.

At a nearby ice cream shack, along the side of the road, not far from Skyline Drive, this plays out:

Me: There are no campsites open, any suggestions on where we could go?

Teenage Ice cream Scooper Girl (in southern teenager voice): "Yeah, like go to the top of that mountain, when you get to the top there's a dirt road, turn left and that's where we go"

Me: (turning now to an older gentleman for verification and further details): Sir, do you have any ideas of where to go?

Old Man: (a long pause, Chase thought he was mute at this point) Top of that mountain (pointing) turn left on the dirt road and pitch yer tent.

These people were clearly locals. They should know. So to the top of that mountain we drove, onto the dirt road. Chase & Tyler found a great little campsite tucked off the side of the road.

Here is what ensued:

Jenn & Tyler & the best (only) tin foil dinners I have ever made.

Me & Jenn roughing it hardcore style

Breaking down the tent, Chase & me

Me by the roaring fire (I may look bored, that's because I was camping and everyone knows camping is boring).

The drive from DC to the Shenandoah park is a little slice of Americana. Shout out to Chase for driving all the way from NYC, that is a whole hunk.

NOT PICTURED: There was a moment driving along Skyline Dive... a thick mist had fallen at dusk & out of the mist of one of the cliffs flew a black crow. The crow flew slowly and deliberately and then perched atop a rock overlooking the valley. It was bewitching.

U.S. Constitution, Article One, Section Eight

2009-08-04T21:02:00.000-07:00

{Preface: This post is for my country, for my fellow man, and for freedom. It's no secret my blog is not only read, but when needed, listened to by the powers that be. Cough, pirates, cough, Cindy McCain Debacle 08, cough. I maybe a bit bold here, but I can only hope this blog entry is responded to with such swift actions as the ones before. Note: I am totally serious with this post.}

Our United States Constitution states, "To define and punish piracies and felonies committed on the high seas, and offenses against the law of nations."

I'd like that to happen.

The pirates were dealt with (finally)... and now there are USSR(1) submarines trolling around off the east coast like it's no big deal. Read about it here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090805/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/us_russian_subs

U.S. control extends a short 12 miles off our coast line. Then it is International Waters... I don't think anyone should be comfortable with this. How can there be so much territory unclaimed? Let alone unruled.

The Ocean has a lot going for it:
1. It is lawless

2. It is massive. It is 71% of the Earth.

I absolutely love the constitution. And I am not just saying that, like how people say "I love music" and have an ipod full of crappy downloads, I mean in in the way Michael Jackson said he loved music. I love The Constitution. It was written by perspicaciousness men with gumption. Before we as a nation even existed we were throwing around claims of things we only dreamed of. It is a lesson in leadership: have a plan, carry it out. The Constitution was so far fetched, yet had people who stood behind it with conviction. And guess what? It worked. It was/is a comprehensive and exhaustive document that is ever changing. I would like this particular line, "To define and punish piracies and felonies committed on the high seas, and offenses against the law of nations" to be reexamined. What is stated there is this: we rule the seas. Our country is in charge.

Now is the time and this is the place to implement the clause about the High Seas.

(1) As noted before, I am going to continue to call Mother Russia "the USSR" and refer to them as "Soviets" because ever since they decided to invade Georgia last August, they have been acting like they used to. Get out of our waters, out of your subs and go home.

Twits

2009-08-04T10:32:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don’t know, Twitter is a site that offers users a chance to update their personal status with a one sentence “tweet” explaining what they are doing. (Note: Twitter is a catchy name, why the hell would they screw up their entire brand by not even conjugating their own words correctly. Why is it called tweeting? The site is Twitter. Shouldn’t that be called twitting? Or shouldn’t the site have been called Tweeter? And the obvious: a user of Twitter is a Twit.)

I just don’t get why anyone would care what I am doing right now? I certainly don’t care what you are doing right now. It would in no way help me stay connected to people. I have face book, blogging, email, texting, and good old fashion face interaction for that. I can stay connected to people and actually gaining real information from other sources. Twitter gives me absolutely nothing but a (typically self-promoting) snippet of a person, which is fine if it is accompanied by, say, something useful like a chat feature (gchat status) or by a wealth of personal information (facebook status). But now, Twitter leaves me with nothing.

The Evil Media likes to claim that news can be proclaimed instantly with Twitter. Part of why I hate twitter because of it’s users. I don’t want to get my news from the creepy guy down the street. I don’t want to get my news from some 16 year old drama-queen. I don’t want to get my news from anyone other then a trained professional, or an actual friend whom I trust.

People so desperately want Twitter to be the next "it" thing. They want to be able to jump on the bandwagon and be hip to the next online feature that everyone will use. They want something that will provide cooler talk and up their social prowess. They want something that they can integrate into their job; something that they can impress their boss with. It seems Twitter is the answer, after all the media is shoving it down our throats (but really, it is for the same reasons individuals have put our hopes and dreams into Twitter, the mass media has grabbed onto Twitter).

Others say that “everyone is doing it”… no, no, no. Everyone signed up to find out what all the hoopla was about, and most intelligent people realized it was a façade. A Harvard Business School professor reported in June of 2009 that 10 percent of the service's users account for more than 90 percent of tweets. Current Nielsen research states that 60 percent of Twitter users do not return from one month to the next.

Let me set the record straight: Twitter is not worth it. Twitter is not a phenomenon. Twitter is a (bad) fad. Twitter is useless. Twitter is a microcosm of other, more popular/useful online tools. Twitter provides nothing more then cheap information; a sliver of the public whole. Nothing is insightful. Nothing is exciting. Twitter is the red-headed step child of Myspace (a now graveyard in social networking).

We were handed a huge innovation called The Internet (dun, dun, dun) in our lifetime that revolutionized we the way we live. It provided us with exactly what we never knew we wanted. After the internet bubble burst, we have been given short bursts of useful technology along the way: online banking, facebook, gmail, etc. These tools are not only fun and novel, they actually help us. As spoiled information-agers we continually are expecting the next breakthrough. That breakthrough is not Twitter.

I leave you with a quote from Kayne West (and if this guy can figure it out, then I have hope you will too) “Why would I use twitter? Everything that twitter offers I need less of.”

Afterthought: I would like to offer up a suggestion of a useful innovative idea of technology that would help everyone: voice to text. I need to text while driving. I would like to text you back, but sometimes I am just that lazy and can't be bothered by it. Talk to Text is the answer. Press a button. Talk your text, phone conversion and you hit send. Someone please, for the love, invent that.

In Real Life is Real

2009-07-27T22:28:00.000-07:00

Huddled around a computer, Joe introducing us to lolcats for the first time ever. 2007.

I already like this blog entry: dripping with irony. Maybe with a splash of hypocrisy.

It's high time to distinguish conversations and knowledge received "in real life" as opposed to all those textual relations, facebook flirts, and gchat chatters that we all too often take as being the same as "in real life".

I am not talking about people who have fake profiles or make up things online. That is another brand of crazy and I don't know those people.

Don't get me wrong; I love being plugged in and actually find it annoying/inconvenient when someone doesn't know how to chat online or can't text like a normal, sane person. Electronic communication is essential, not that hard to learn, and will profit you. I judge people who can not or will not adapt.

But, IMPORTANT NOTE: in real life is totally different than electronic communications. Learn the differences, accept the differences, act accordingly.

Online/texting is like a game of chess on speed (or worse yet, a checkers game, and sometimes just a game of Connect Four). The Sender sends info (in text, email, on a wall, etc) and then The Receiver gets to wait, plan out a response, edit knee jerk reactions, draft something, and THEN after all that happens, respond. Sometimes the responder even consults multiple human resources before proceeding (come on, you all do it; you show a friend the absurd text, you forward on an email for your BFF to look over, and facebook makes it real easy by allowing the sender to just post it publicly on your wall in the first place). Like a game of chess, it is competitive.You need to perfect your moves. You have the luxury of deciding what piece to play, what move to make, what words to say, what response to craft.

"In real life" is more like a makeout session. Both parties are engaged. There is no time to really strategize. It's a back and forth situation and it requires skill. You say things vocally as well as with your physical self. . In real life is more of an art form then anything. The faces I pull in real life say more then I could ever say with words. (Same with some faces I have while making out, haha). Think about the last time I was really happy, I probably didn't say anything to you, but you knew, you could see it in my eyes. It is uncut. It is real. And it is typically the whole picture.

Both forms of communication require a give/take. In real life both parties are continually actively involved, simultaneously. There are things about interpersonal communication that simply can not be qualified by verbage alone.

The bottom line is that in real life is far less safe. In real life is, well, real.

Scenario #1

Sally: "He said the L word to me yesterday... he said it, "I love you", finally! [squealing with joy]

Me: In real life? [Sally's face drops]

Sally : Well, he texted it to me it, he was all "yeah. lol. love you."

Me: Doesn't count [Some nice person like Mandy then has to pick up the pieces I left in my wake of devastating dose of reality and explain that it was just a typical salutation]

Scenario #2

Sally: He said the L word to me yesterday... he said it, "I love you", finally!"

Me: In real life? [Sally has a beaming smile]

Sally: [Shakes head in agreeance] Yep, we were joking around and I said something really funny/cute/charming and he was giggling and sighed and said "yeah" then paused and said "i love you". it was really sweet.

Me: Ah, tender

Same words, one in real life and one not. See?

Another quick example: (ripped from Real Life) Found out via facebook that a friend is no longer engaged. No further details. Assumptions galore.

Electronically, I say things I really mean and I say things I really don't mean. Electronically we get snippets of truths, quick and cheap info.

I urge you to just be aware. Ask the hard hitting question: In real life?

*You may or may not have noticed I didn't make any reference to twitter in this post. It is not that I am behind that times, it is just that I hate it with a passion of a thousand burning suns. Blog rant on twitter with tons of inappropriate vowel changes to the word "tweet" forthcoming.

consider yourself warned

2009-07-22T22:28:00.001-07:00

Someone who knows me ran into this man in Virginia Beach and thought of me... possibly because I hit the mark on many things listed. Ha. Doomed.

The Chaff

2009-07-22T15:31:00.000-07:00

{This is a hot button issue, so if you are easily offended, I would urge you to read on, because the more you are exposed to differing views of your own, the less you will be generally offended. Everyone comes from a different place, everything uses different insights, everyone has a different slant, and you are only you... so, read on, get offended and then get over yourself.}

It's no secret that my news venue of choice is CNN. They unabashedly lean to the liberal side of reporting. They are biased and they own it. It makes it easy to discern fact from opinion over there at CNN. I take my daily news from them by saving the knowledge and throwing out the chaff.

The chaff: They have a series called "Black in America" and now, "Black in America 2". I don't get it at all. How is drawing attention to race helping anyone? It is so counter productive. It is just perpetuating the racial divides in our country. Clearly, we as a Nation have gotten over race to some extent and have moved onto (or shall I say regressed back to) using socioeconomic status as our new prejudice. It matters far more how much money you don't have.

How can it possibly be a good thing to call attention and focus an entire series on being black? The goal that we are so close to reaching is to have it not even matter what color your skin is. Now, I understand that a black person is treated differently then a white person. But, so is a poor person, or a person who is ugly, or a short man, or a fat woman. Everyone is different. Get over it. Streamlining a whole nations focus to being black in America is only perpetuating the notion that black people are different and of another class. Dig the divide deeper why don't you CNN. Ugh.

Now, also in the news there are reports that one of the nation's most prominent scholars was arrested in his own home for disorderly conduct.

Who cares that Henry Gates, Jr. is black? The answer: he does. If a white man had the same thing happen to him, no one would care. There was a call about a break in. He did appear to be breaking in. The man was disorderly. If this happened to me and the police showed up at my house, mistaking me for breaking into my own home, I would be praising the police for keeping the neighborhood safe, not throwing some sort of fit because of race. Furthermore if a poor black man with no money or education was arrested in the same situation, no one would care either. Would this have ever made the news had he been poor? Guess what Mr. Gates: they cared because of your social (thus economic) status.

Another thing CNN is reporting on is some principal succeeding by saying "you're black and you're smart". Ack. How about just "you're smart"? What would be so wrong with that? No one told me "you don't have glasses and you're smart" or "you're short and your smart". It is absurd. Stop acting like it matters.

It continually baffles me that people are still running around as if there is still prevalent racial prejudice when the real issue here isn't what color you are. For goodness sakes, our President is black. Guess what else he is: rich & educated.

We as a nation are so close to getting over racial divides. Please stop the hysteria. Let it go.

Boston: Freedom & Fun!

2009-07-07T13:59:00.000-07:00

So, here is how it went down: I drove to Boston to celebrate America. A throwback to the old American Roadtrip, I hit the road with high hopes. They were not dashed.

I would say I was lucky, and there was no traffic... but that would be a lie. Here is the truth: I am a damn fine planner and thus, there was no traffic. I fled DC in the middle of the night, drove up to NYC and didn't hit any traffic, picked up the boys, ate at Jimbo's in Harlem, and continued on to Boston. The drive wasn't bad. Neither was breakfast.

On to Boston!

We listened Neil Diamond belt out "America", twice. We walked along the Freedom Trail. We lounged poolside. We threw tea into the Boston Harbor. We got chills as the Boston Pops performed 1812. We conquered the Frog Pond. We cheered at the Cheers Bar where everyone knew our name. We were delighted by a fly over. We marveled at the fireworks. We got our fill of crazy people watching. We (they) had a pun war. We enjoyed Boston.

Pictures for the people, by the people, of the people... And we all know how much I love a photo essay... but I don't have it in me today... so, here is a series of of short stories.

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The Reason for The Season

Waiting for Neil.

Neil.

Dancing to Neil.

More Neil.

After Neil.

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Two if By Sea

Boston Water With Boats; Charles River

Boston Water With A Few Boats; Harbor

Boston Water With Out Boats; Lagoon in Commons

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The Gang

Fire & Ice

Venom

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Take a Ride With Me

On the road & off

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Art That Touches You & That You Can Touch

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Founding Fathers, Where They Are Today

One dead man (Washington) in a park in Boston.

Many dead men (Adams, Hancock, Revere, etc) in a park in Boston

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Wonderwall

2009-06-29T12:39:00.000-07:00

You wonder what I wonder about... so wonder no more:

The Post Office

Stephen Cobert brought this up the other day, and ever since he mentioned it, I can't stop thinking about it... you can have someone come to your house, pick up up a letter, trek it across the untied states and drop it off at someone elses house. Anywhere. This costs 44cents. That's right, they will come to you, pick up whatever from your house and deliver it in the middle of rural Wyoming. FOR FIFTY CENTS. This is crazy.

Eggs

Ok, I talk about and think about this almost every time I eat an egg, or see one... THINK ABOUT WHAT AN EGG IS. (About to get graphic here) But, ok, seriously, the chicken drops an egg from its reproductive organs, just like I do every month, and then I am supposed to eat this unfertilized egg. I can't stomach it. At this point, I still eat eggs, but I don't know for how much longer... I already stopped eating mammals for obvious reasons. Eggs are next.

[Note: No picture was included for this section because they all were even offensive to me.]

Paper

I have an exciting announcement to make: PAPER IS RENEWABLE! That's right folks, trees grow back, and guess who plants the most trees? Paper companies. Guess what else about trees: They give off vital oxygen and reduce carbon- they also help moderate ground temperatures. Using paper only perpetuates good wholesome American things like life and jobs. YAY!

That's all for now.

All Black

2009-06-26T09:42:00.000-07:00

I decided to wear all black today to mourn with those who mourn... but really, just did it to mess with people so they would wonder about me.

(No white glove)

The Battle of the Washingtons

2009-06-18T11:38:00.000-07:00

When President Obama took office people were abuzz with the idea that "DC is the new Hollywood". Stars were showing up, Michelle became a star, and the parades started. Now it is raining on our parade. Literally. Whoever said DC is the new Hollywood got it wrong; DC is the new Seattle.

It's time to arm you with the facts...

Seattle, Washington Annual Precipitation: 37.1 inches

Washington, DC Annual Precipitation: 39.35 inches

Now it is time to alarm you with further facts... those are averages. This year is not average.

Average May Rainfall: 3.8 in

Actual May Rainfall: 6.1 in

Average June Rainfall: 3.1

Actual June Rainfall (thus far): 4.7

And it's raining right now. And there are still two weeks of the month left.

And, one more thing: average yearly rainfall in San Diego, CA: 10.2 inches.

NYC maybe in love with me

2009-06-15T12:28:00.000-07:00

I am pretty sure that NYC has gone from just loving me to being in love with me...

Here are some lessons learned on my recent trip to NYC:

The play "August: Osage County" is good. Even if they tried to pass off Mrs. Husckstable as a white woman, everything else is perfect and thus you forgive the race bending.

If you ever find yourself in a jewelry store that also offers a spicy Vietnamese sandwich in the back, take it.

Gwyneth Paltrow gives good advice.

The World Science Fair is kinda boring.

A park in East Harlem is not the same as Central Park.

And finally, perhaps the most important lesson learned: All I need in life is peanut butter, my cell phone and The Good Word... All Chase needs is peanut butter & his cell phone.

Lucky Charms & Guinness

2009-06-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

I am here to dispel all those myths and legends you have heard your whole life about Ireland. Starting with mythical things you were told by cereal companies as a child, all the way up to drinking tales told by beer companies as an adult.

I present to you rhetoric and photographic evidence of my findings...

MYTH: Dublin is fun/historic/a drinking town/the heartbeat of Ireland.

FACT: If Dublin fell into the murky east ocean of Ireland I would probably celebrate by hosting some exorbitant party. I would not serve potatoes. Dublin is not fun. Dublin is like the Philadelphia of Ireland, but without interesting historic landmarks. Having a relatively small urban city center, it boasts nothing more then a couple pints and some cheap tarts (both of the pie variety and the lady-folk). Sure, some of the filthy buildings were great to look at and Graffon Street does have some nice shopping, but so does the internet. Like right at this very moment you are on the internet & will get to see the same exact great Dublin buildings:

top to bottom: just a Bar, a Bank, a Shopping Mall, and a Church.

LEGEND: Leprechauns are real

FACT: This one is actually true.

hiking along and found what appears to be a leprechauns house. he wasn't home.

MYTH/LEGEND: Ireland is full of graceful green rolling hills and pristine country-side.

FACT: Also actually true... but, we need to have a short historic recap to get to the bottom of this (pun intended, read on). The wise men built their houses upon the rock; in Irelands case: limestone. There is actually an area called "The Burren" which one can only conclude comes from the latin bases "Burr" or "to bare" and "en" or "not". (I made that up, but I bet I am right). So the Burren is barren - it is miles and miles of limestone hills. Indentured servants moved all of the rock out of the surface layer to get to the bottom layer of the mountainsides so they could plant crops. Peoples entire existences were based around moving rocks from the ground and lining them up alongside the property lines. The results: graceful green rolling hills and pristine country-side.

a potato farm

county clare

MYTH: Ireland is haunted
FACT: I wish. I went to the two castles below, and even slept overnight in one of them. Neither were haunted. Perhaps they are haunted, but they just were respectful of me.

Spent my first Irish night in this Killkenny Castle: definitely not haunted.

Rock of Cashel: also not haunted

MYTH: The Fighting Irish concept

FACT: I have travelled the world and the ones I met are some of the most accommodating, friendliest, warm people I have come across.

a couple shots of adorable men who were lovely, of good report, and praiseworthy

MYTH: Mary Ann McMullen doesn't love Ireland

FACT: Let me tell you about the things in Ireland that are worthy of my love: The entire west coast. I loved it. Adventure is to be had there. I hiked to ancient ruins, I caved to underground waterfalls, I leaned over the Cliffs of Moher's sheer 700 ft. drops, I hung out at the World Ocean Race in-port festival, I took a cruise to the celtic Aran Islands, and I enjoyed every moment of it.

Inishmore Island

Cliffs of Moher

Galway Docks

World Ocean Race in Port

High Crosses of Tipperary

Dun Aengus

Waterfall Underground

Aillwee Caves & me having the time of my life in Ireland.

;-)

2009-05-17T21:38:00.001-07:00

I blame the internet; Al Gore and Ted Stevens can be the fall guys. I also blame the media as a whole; and everyone knows that Oprah is in charge over there, so yes add her to the list too. Al, Ted & Oprah... I blame them for the slow decline of the physical social act known as "the wink".

Every guy out there thinks they can wink and it all of the sudden makes them "charming". It does not. Sometimes it makes you creepy. Sometimes it makes you annoying. Sometimes it makes you childish. The bitch of the whole thing is that it can also make you alluring. It can make you damn sexy. It can make you the reason I like you.

It used to be such a powerful tool. A skill mastered by few, utilized cautiously, given with timely execution. Then somehow with the combination of entertainment encouraging bold behavior and a cheapened emoticon found on the web, we are left with nothing more then a bunch of untrained yahoo's running around winking at incongruous times, looking like fools. It is embarrassing to the winker and off putting to the receiver of the wink.

Here are some ground rules for the well-wink (well timed, well placed, well executed, etc):

1. It really should only be seen by the winker and the winkee. If anyone else intentionally sees the wink, it is a failed attempted. Winks are special, hold them dear.

2. The wink should always be accompanied with a smile or a wry glance. If the situation at hand doesn't call for a bright-white flash of a smile or a knowing look of being in cahoots with the winkee then don't bother, it probably isn't the time or the place for the wink.

3. If you know you look like a fool winking then don't. I only want dashing men or enchanting women winking at me. Otherwise it is cheapened. It would be like getting a filet mignon served to you at McDonalds on a styrofoam plate. No one does that because the steak deserves more, so does the wink.

There are more, but the point is those rules are never followed. If Latin is a dead verbal language, the wink is well on its way of becoming a dead body language. It is a lost art.

I had the honor of understanding and knowing what the wink offered. The slow decline of the wink will not only leave a void in my life, but in the hearts of those who had mastered the art. I hold the greatest respect for the wink.

At this point I am not sure if I would rather continue to bear the pain of watching the wink die a slow death or if I should will it to just die and end the suffering. Either way, I am saddened by the loss of the wink.

Don't Forget...

2009-04-30T22:16:00.000-07:00

I still can't get over this: Joe Biden is our Vice President.

That guy, yep, him. He is 2nd in command. Yeah, the guy who said "When the stock market crashed in 1929, Franklin Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened'."

... yeah, I know what you are thinking, and no FDR wasn't President in 1929. And no, TV didn't even exist back then. You may not have heard about that Biden Blunder because That Guy makes so many absurd comments that no one notices anymore.

Anyway, I just forget sometimes that he is running our Nation.

Here is one last quote to make you feel safe: "Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be the Vice President of the United States of America. Quite frankly, it might have been a better pick than me" -- Joe Biden, Nashua New Hampshire Town Hall Meeting

Um, hello?!

2009-04-22T21:26:00.000-07:00

Horses Die (click this link for story)

and

Horse Virus Stolen (click link for story)

Now, if CNN pulled their collective minds together, they should realize, like I have (and most anyone who has ever watched Murder, She Wrote), that this isn't two separate news stories here.

Duck Beach Round Two: Go, then you will know.

2009-04-13T20:36:00.000-07:00

[First of all, about the pirates... to the world all I have to say is: I told you so... (see post below, penned a couple days before the fiasco). And, a thank you to the apparent readership of my blog by some Americans in charge who didn't take any crap from the pirates this go round.]

Now, moving on, speaking of oceans filled with dirty men- Duck Beach. Last year, I had quite a lot to say-- click here for the low down -- this year I will simply say this: You should go, then you will know. I have spent a year defending my comments to people who have not been. So I offer a suggestion, no... a plea: go to duck beach. Find out what it is like. Be among those people. Come back and tell me about it.

I will be here:

Staying here:

Visiting here:

Hanging out with:

WTF, Matey?

2009-04-06T15:32:00.000-07:00

If ever there was a moment to appropriately ask the "WTF" question, it is now.

It is beyond me how we* can allow pirates to overrun international waters. How can a bunch of scoundrels be able to just take a ship over? It is just so ridiculous.

Ok, I get it. Pirates are not like days of old. This isn't a ride at Disneyland. But, I do know that if I had a big freaking ship in the middle of the seas, it would be hard to just to walk on board and take over. But, if for some reason it was taken over, I would expect at least one of the worlds superpowers to be able to figure a way to get it back. Its like we all are like "oh, they took your ship".

*Here are the sanctioned current players:

Royal Australian Navy
Canadian Forces Maritime Command (NATO)
People's Liberation Army Navy
Royal Danish Navy (NATO)
French Navy (NATO)
German Navy (NATO)
Greek Navy (NATO)
Indian Navy
Italian Navy (NATO)
Islamic Republic of Iran Navy
Japan Maritime Defense Force
Republic of Korea Navy
Royal Malaysian Navy
Royal Netherlands Navy (NATO)
Royal New Zealand Navy
Royal Saudi Navy
Russian Navy
Republic of Singapore Navy
Spanish Navy (NATO)
Swedish Navy
Turkish Navy (NATO)
Royal Navy (NATO)
United States Navy (NATO)

The World Superpower Badass Armed Forces (nil) V. Dirty Somalian Pirates (for the win) WTF?

All of us versus a bunch of Somalians, who are apparently getting the financial support from get this, Canadian based cohorts. WTF?

Furthermore it chaps my hide that these attacks continue. It's not like one crazy Somalian hijacked a ship. It keeps happening because they are succeeding. WTF? Seriously. And the boat isn't the victory. The loot really isn't either. They are getting paid millions of dollars in ransom. I mean, so much money that there are small port towns that have become overnight boomtowns with a large injection of overnight spending when these rouge pirates come into shore. WTF?

So, what I am being told (or not being told- this is the dirty little secret that the UN and the Media is sweeping under the rug, because lets face it, not only is it embarrassing, but it is an outright threat to our safety)... so, what I understand here is that these dudes are parading around the open seas, taking what they want, killing people, demanding money and everyone EVERYONE involved is like "oh, here you go".

WTF?

TV & Boise

2009-03-18T10:23:00.001-07:00

DVR/TiVo has changed my life. You can fairly accurately gauge how my life is going based on the amount of TV shows I have stored in the DVR. There are two ends of the spectrum. If I am all caught up on my TV shows, if I know how Jack can save America and I know that Lil Rounds is the only hope for America... then life is good. Also, when I am behind on my TV shows it is an indicator that my life has gotten so busy that I can't bother with it all. However, if you know me, you know this is also a good thing. If there are many or no TV shows ready for the watching, then life is good. The middle ground is the rocky area.

---

Last week a bunch of us Kappa Deltas met in Boise for one hell of a weekend:

Clearly, I had the time of my life.

And to prove we did other stuff besides just party...

See, here we are in front of some liberty-bell-esq thing. I am sure it is significant and has something to do with Boise history. But we were on our way to brunch after staying out all night long, so I really don't know :P

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Before Boise (a week ago) I was all caught up with my TV shows. I returned and before I knew it, I had 6 hours to waste. And I did. Life is good.